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Soulful

Sitting atop
the core of
the earth's being
not still...just appearing
as such
depths immeasurable
by the naked eye...I swallow
your imagination in
cryptic messages
mixed with strong emotion.
Abysmal...enveloping your
every dream...pushing with
the tide of these feelings
esoteric illustrations
indistinguishable
to the outsider
clear in the view
of the diver
daring enough to...delve into
this sea
and float along...the gulf of
my existence.
Intense the domination
of the will to my
sway...stay submerged
in my ocean of profound
beauty...hidden beneath
the reflection of the heavens
on my surface.
Mastery of mystique
vast in jurisdiction
of dominion...waves crashing
into rippling pools
of synergy...made to
last forever...cascading down
over rocky hills
landing always back from whence
we came...water for life
waiting to give life
to you.

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RSScheerer

RSScheerer

17 years 11 months ago

Hi, Catalina

Well-written and thought-provoking, this piece emits a spirituality (not of religion, of the senses) and serenity. These lines don't seem to flow as smoothly as they could: "Intense the domination of the will to my sway…stay submerged" - I think it's the way that it was worded. I read it with this meaning, "The intense domination of the will to my sway..." "Mastery of mystique" - this brings to mind "Master of mystique" - I think that "Mistress of mystique" sounds really great here. Everything else reads like a dream. Even these two suggestions could be a case of me taking something out of context that means perfect sense to other readers - it's different for us all. It's a pleasure to finally get the chance to read some of your work. I hope you don't think I've been to rough with it! Best, Ronda
C

Catalina

17 years 11 months ago

I am appreciating the

I am appreciating the feedback here far to much to be offended by anything anyone says...thank you very much for giving your honest opnion...I too think that line reads funny...lol...
P

poewriter58

17 years 11 months ago

Catalina

I swallow your imagination in cryptic messages etc catalina this is an excellent line did you mean sway(break or stop stay emerged? Perhaps if you gave them separate lines the break would be more intense and clear or sway ans stay emerged. I see where Ronda got tripped up over here and others might as well. are you the mastery of the mystic ? If so then Ronda is quite correct I is mistress If the person you are writing to , and I assume it is a gentleman then use the mastery. waves crashing into rippling pools of synergy This is another good line. A pleasure to read your work Chrystalie
D

DarkinAZ

17 years 11 months ago

Like the

Neo momma's said, well read! Sincerely, Mark
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 11 months ago

Nice!

Really liked this, and have a small suggestion: All the ellipses, what if they were changed to hyphens instead? Welcome to the site, and look forward to reading more of your work! ~Jess K. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ~ "Those who dance are considered insane by those who can't hear the music. " - George Carlin ~ "If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what is the opposite of progress?"