poewriter58

Jun 08, 2008 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

The Peanut Butter Principle (revised)

I stand in the market aisle trying to decided
Why is life like a jar of peanut butter?
To my amazement I find
with each jar I view
These thoughts became true

All smooth?
(too boring)
All crunch?
(ignore it)
Super crunch?
(had enough)

Life is a jar of peanut butter
Sometimes smooth , sometimes crunch
Can't be smoothed even with marshmallow Fluff
(Never liked that stuff)

Think I'll start life another way
maybe try jello
(on to that aisle)
Always room for that

Good lord , what am I thinking
I'm just another belfry bat
Just hanging around
Imagine that

And now I sit in this room
With it's beautifully cushioned walls
With my three jars of peanut butter
and a bowl of jello
Feeling way too mellow

— poewriter58, Jun 08, 2008

Critiques

Janice Pearce

18 years 1 month ago

Yummy Peanut Butter

LOL Cute, Short Sweet Personally I love peanut butter but it has to have strawberry jam on it.~[days of near starvation]

poewriter58

18 years 1 month ago

LMAO

Thanks Janice this is something that just fell out of me one night Chrystalie

poewriter58

18 years 1 month ago

janice

see how the rewrite sits . I just love that reaction you had Yummy!!!! it's just too cute Chrystalie

infinite_dwarf

18 years 1 month ago

LMAO

Last two lines are a little weak, but the rest of the poem is hysterical. I never understood super chunky peanut butter. Why don't you just go the rest of the way and eat a peanut already?! LOL! ~Jess K. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ~ "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." - Thomas Jefferson ~ "Tonight's forcast: dark, continued dark tonight, turning to partly light in the morning..." - George Carlin

poewriter58

18 years 1 month ago

HMMM

K Jess how would you strengthen it? mom (psst answer your email) thanks for reading such nonsense , blame it on the mood ( or moon good song)

infinite_dwarf

18 years 1 month ago

email?

I didna get an email. Last one I received that sounded like a question was the one regarding birthday boy. Maybe resend it? I have no idea how to strengthen it, to be honest - though Arrow had some good suggestions on messing about with it, and make it funny and playful. See ya later , 'frigerator! :~) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ~ "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." - Thomas Jefferson ~ "Tonight's forcast: dark, continued dark tonight, turning to partly light in the morning..." - George Carlin

Arrow

18 years 1 month ago

I liked it

but wonder if it wouldn't read a little more playfully if the first lines were more abrupt, like, All smooth - too boring! All crunchy - Ignore it! Super crunch? I've had enough! But, it's delightful as is.

poewriter58

18 years 1 month ago

Arrow

Well now let me take a look and see thank you Chrystalie

Mark

18 years 1 month ago

this reminds me of black mountain Creeley kind of

And I dissagree on the bat line ;) Pater Pan lol Iris

rider68

18 years 1 month ago

It has stirred me to make....

Hi Chrystalie I love peanut butter, many years ago an American female friend, introduced me to peanut butter and bacon sandwiches, (To die for) she always baked, whenever I use to call around, always cookies, cakes, but didn't help the waistline. Still nice to be spoilt now and again. It was great to read...i thought the ending fitting..."Sorry Jess"...But i wouldn't want to start a family argument....... Very Best Regards Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~

poewriter58

18 years 1 month ago

Peter

lol thank you

poewriter58

18 years 1 month ago

Arrow

here ya go. Is this any better? Chrystalie

Arrow

18 years 1 month ago

I’m uncomfortable with the

I'm uncomfortable with the word "better" but it does suit my fancy more. And, I love the new ending!

poewriter58

18 years 1 month ago

arrow

Thank you for all your input on this piece. with your help it works. Alright I'll not use better in the future how about How is this improvement? lol thanks again Chrystalie

Rett

18 years 1 month ago

Chrystalie

Chrys, now I understand the peanut butter reference in chat. beautifully done. you missed an s on thoughts in the first part. See what happens when you get peanut butter on your pen? *L* I love it but just remember. "The grass is always greener over the septic tank"(Erma Bombeck) Rett

poewriter58

18 years 1 month ago

Gene

Thank you I fixed the poem and cleaned off my pen lol Had fun in chat Chrystalie

LadyTheresa

56 years 7 months ago

Chrys

Very cute and entertaining poem! Theresa

poewriter58

18 years 1 month ago

Theresa

hey thanks much I had fun with this one see you tonight Chrystalie

infinite_dwarf

18 years 1 month ago

much more betterest!

The ending, omg, the ending!!! Howling with laughter over here. Now that's creativity right there. Never thought you'd try eating jello again, though.... hmm. You've just been bumped up a star. :~) ~Jess K. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ~ "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." - Thomas Jefferson ~ "Tonight's forcast: dark, continued dark tonight, turning to partly light in the morning..." - George Carlin

poewriter58

18 years 1 month ago

jess

with the revisions i lost some stars one more notch and I would have made spotlight I had 28 reviews and 4.4 stars thanks and you have arrow to thank for the up grade of the poem, they were a great help and the end just came to me had to make it look like I had really lost my mind mom

themoonman

18 years 1 month ago

Hi Chrys...

just read your poem and thought I would tell you if it weren't for peanut butter my youngest would have starved to death.. that child would not eat anything but peanut butter for the longest time.. bad thing is Dad likes it too.. enjoyed your humor in this one.. Richard

poewriter58

18 years 1 month ago

richard

Thank you I don't know of too many children that didn't thrive on peanut butter at one time or another. I still keep a jar in the house ( smooth or creamy lol) thanks for the read and the comment always welcome from you Chrystalie

purplemoondoll

18 years 1 month ago

This really made me smile.

This really made me smile. It is so true, and the title and theme are excellent. lol - I will never look at peanut butter quite the same way again! I loved the ending! Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

poewriter58

18 years 1 month ago