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A Mouse Tale

One upon a time
in a little country church near a
very very old cemetery,
a city mouse named Eduard
came to visit his cousins, Max and Sheila,

It was nightfall upon his arriving,
and stars were shining
crisp and cold on his little
brown head
curling in his long thick tail
close to his little brown mousiness
Eduard righted
his halo,

they chattered away
the rest of a long long evening

as cousins usually do, speaking of
things they got away with and things
they got caught with, as all little
mice are apt to,

the sound of micely giggles
echoed through the old grey stone
country house of God,

and the dawn breaks, no earlier,
no later than it usally does,
on a Christmas morning
in the company of all God's creatures,
great and small.
— Kailashana, Jun 07, 2008

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Arrow

18 years ago

It’s a cute tale. I tend

It's a cute tale. I tend to like this kind of poem to "roll" a little more. For example, Night fell on his arriving. Stars crisp and cold were shining upon his wee brown head. Curled in his long, thick tail, setting right his halo . . . I wonder if a more fixed rhythm would suit it better. Only 150+ shopping days left!
Kailashana

Kailashana

17 years 12 months ago

This is strange… I know I

This is strange... I know I answered your post...in fact thanked you for the suggestions (which as you see, I took;-) must not have pressed the submit. Got to learn to do that! Thanks for reading & suggestions. *anna makes sure she presses submit button*
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

17 years 12 months ago

Sweet little mousies

Very sweet, quaint tale, Anna (I said tale, not tail). Some of the line breaks seem a bit odd, and I wonder if it's not from formatting problems when submitting. "they chattered away the rest of a long long evening as cousins usually do, speaking of things they got away with and things they got caught with, as all little mice do," - Seems like there shouldn't be a break after "everything" Same thing after "God," "micely giggles" made me giggle. ~ Ronda