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frangipangi
Jun 06, 2008 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

MOONBEAM

I am a wisp of a whisperA sly of the eyeA hint of a scentA vaporous smileA tendril of a formIn a layer of fogOn the edge of realityIn the corner of an imagery                    A Diaphanous pipedream                    
Dance with me upon Harp And Shamrock 
                   shine me  gold upon river and lock
                    allow silver slivers of my laser light to  penetrate your heart
Dance a jig, drink me and  lose your mind
I lay naked, arms outstretched
waiting
my silent voice singing 
 
I am MOONBEAM, your only love
A wisp of a whisper
A sly of the eye
A hint of a scent
A vaporous smile
A tendril of a form
In a layer of fog
On the edge of reality
in the corner of  your mind



                             
— frangipangi, Jun 06, 2008
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Critiques

infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

18 years 1 month ago

Frangi

This is really cool, though it needs just a wee bit more expansion I think. One little tiny correction: moonbean -> moonbeam (very last word) Otherwise, great job. Good to see you posting again!! ~Jess ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ~ "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." - Thomas Jefferson ~ "Tonight's forcast: dark, continued dark tonight, turning to partly light in the morning..." - George Carlin
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frangipangi

18 years 1 month ago

expansion

Hi Jess, yeah, a little more. I think so. Thank you, good to be posting again. Frangipangi
J

Jacob

18 years 1 month ago

great title!

I love the imagery of a moonbeam, I wrote a poem with the same title :) ha ha ha. I prefer the phrase Moonshine but the alcoholic connetations kind of ruined it. I love how two poems with the same title can be so differant and mean differant things. I liked it. Jacob
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purplemoondoll

18 years 1 month ago

A Wisp of a Whisper

A wisp of a whisper A sly of the eye A hint of a scent A vaporous smile A tendril of a form In a layer of fog On the edge of reality in the corner of your mind That last stanza dances beautifully - and very neatly ties up all the other strands of the poem. Great job - and very well written. Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
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rider68

18 years 1 month ago

Great Imagination

Hi frangipangi I really loved the way the words flowed and found myself drifting along....Beautifully done, Regards Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~
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frangipangi

18 years 1 month ago

Hi Rider68

I am elated you enjoyed it. Thank you for your kindness. Yours, Frangipangi
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

18 years 1 month ago

There ya go!

Good expansion, and love the little kitty avatar. Such a fierce little thing! One more * added from me! Thx for the add on friends list, will add you when I get a chance. ~Jess K. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "He wear no shoeshine, he got toe-jam football He got monkey finger, he shoot coca-cola He say "I know you, you know me" One thing I can tell you is you got to be free Come together right now over me." - The Beatles
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 1 month ago

Did I mention frangipanis are

Did I mention frangipanis are my favourite flower. I float them in a dish of water, they light the room, as your poetry does. cheers, Jess
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frangipangi

18 years 1 month ago

kitty avatar

Hi Jess, Thank you. Yeah, thats my "fierce" little kitty allegra, sticking her nose everywhere! Yours, Frangipangi
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frangipangi

18 years 1 month ago

you heard me!

Hi Wierdelf, I love frangipanis too, lovely little things aren't they? Yes, my friend I spoke to you and to many. Thank you for your support and encourageing critiques. come,come I beckon thee play in moon drunk fields amid the lark's spar and Queen's Lace dancing in and out of shadow and form Yours, Fran

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