Lucy

Under the rocks, the atoms bind together
a sol-fa of bones that seem to play a song,
beneath a Röntgen storm

The sand flew from the pelvis, pieces of ribs
like a chandelier;
the skull has broke
the roof of eyes searching for quietness,
like two dice do …

Lucy (in the sky with diamonds) –
sweat and desire –
was found to be born at the base of the pyramid
of progress,
carrying her steps through the forsaken boulevard of time,
in the space of the solitary souls …
that slept under the perpetuity of the moon

— Marius Surleac, Jun 03, 2008

About the Author

Region, Country: Romania, ROU

Critiques

Barbara Writes

18 years 1 month ago

Really good

Smiles:) Barbara I like this especially the line lucy in the sky with diamond. I love that song still today. I will be singing it all day in my head. It has already repeated several times in my head and still going since I read it here. As for your poem it is great, wonderful, I love it. You have melodically espressed this poem with music though not a song persay. Image a little vague so I don't have a clear picture in my mind. Some clarity?

barbsdad2003

18 years 1 month ago

A Vivid Write ...

here. I like. I assume, though perhaps incorrectly, that you reference the Lucy that anthropologists talk about. Yours, Chuck PS: In English the noun word dice as used here is plural of die. Die can also be pluralized with dies. I mention this because your "dices" would be plural of a plural, if I read it correctly. I don't know if you intend that.

Marius Surleac

18 years 1 month ago

thank you both: Barbara and Chuck!

First I want to thank you both for the kind and beautiful comments. Secondly, Barbara, the main idea of the text is about Lucy, the oldest biped skeleton found by the anthropologists, as Chuck mentioned in his comment. Chuck you are right and thank you very much for the feedback given (I have made the modification). Now I have learned a new thing, sorry I am a not native English speaker, but as Sigmund Freud said in one of his works, during our lives we have something to learn from each person we met during our lives. To be more visual and expressionist you both can visit: http://www.agonia.net/index.php/poetry/1784265/index.html Cheers and thank you both for your helpful comments. Best regards, Marius

barbsdad2003

18 years 1 month ago

Thanx for Your Reply

You write beautifully and profoundly. I'm most appreciative/admiring of that ... and of your extensive language skills. Yours, Chuck

Barbara Writes

18 years 1 month ago

Thanks Mark

Smiles:) Barbara It is even more beautiful reading it with the picture, each line I read with my eyes moving across each part in the picture. Thanks for sharing. five stars

Marius Surleac

18 years 1 month ago

thank you!

Thank you Barbara! I am glad you like it! Best regards, Marius

weirdelf

18 years ago

I did not recognise Lucy

in the anthropological context, although have had much experience being in the sky with diamonds. It intrigues me that you write so profoundly in a second language. Something I know I will never be able to do, except for little puns like Faux Mort- Faux Pas- Petite Mort. Just read your essay on T.S Eliot, excellent. Please continue to honour this site with your beauty of intelligence and craftsmanship. cheers, Jess

Marius Surleac

18 years ago

Gracias Jess!

Thank you Jess for the comment and for the beautiful words. I am glad you liked it and to see better the connection with Lucy, just follow the link: http://www.agonia.net/index.php/poetry/1784265/index.html I am glad as well that you liked my T.S. Eliot article, which one? Marius!

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