Barbara Writes

May 28, 2008 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

Morning

Senryu: Morning

At the break of dawn
the sounds of school bus engine
brings in a new day

— Barbara Writes, May 28, 2008

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins, Shakespeare, , Emily Dickinson, , , Whitman, Jess Tapper

Critiques

Janice Pearce

18 years 1 month ago

Barb

This brought me back . . . when the children were grown and on their own,the sound of that school bus, brought tears to my eyes because my babies were gone!

Barbara Writes

18 years 1 month ago

Thanks Janice

Smiles:) Barbara I am glad you like it. I will still read it after all mine is gone on the own

weirdelf

18 years 1 month ago

almost great. You have all the elements except the humanity. maybe it's because I don't have kids. Other readers might well find the sound of school bus engines evocative enough. If I had kids probably would have voted 5. cheers, Jess

Mark

18 years 1 month ago

Humanity is implied I believe

It's there in the background. People (Barbara) hear the school busses :) Mark

Barbara Writes

18 years 1 month ago

Thanks Jess

Smiles:) Barbara Thanks for being you. Sorry I could write in humanity from aspect of not having children. I have four, two still in high school and six thirty every morning I hear school bus engine for the first hour and half of my day. Yesterday morning it just hit me to write it in Haiku. Glad you like it.

rider68

18 years 1 month ago

Hi Barbara

Hi Barbara I have begun following this style, It's not as easey as one would think, Please if i may a suggestion....... maintains the 5-7-5 But reads with a slightly different flow,....... omho At the break of dawn sounds of the engine school bus begins a new day Very Best Regards Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~

Barbara Writes

18 years 1 month ago

thanks Peter

Smiles:) Barbara I prefer sounds of the school bus engine better. it seems to flow better for me. Your suggestion are appreciated ,but it sound a bit awkward to me to say engine school bus. I changed it slightly, hope the flow is better. thanks always

Mark

18 years 1 month ago

Your own road

Barbara, you are making your own road. I'd rater wake up to ducks talking among themselves but the reality here is school busses too. You take the Senryu to a new level for me. Thanks, Mark

Barbara Writes

18 years 1 month ago

Thanks Mark

Smiles:) Barbara I was trying to make this Haiku, but it turn out to be Senryu when I use the word sounds. Doesn't matter I like both senryu and Haiku/ Thanks for bringing this to my attention will change to senryu. I really glad you like it so much. I truly appreciate your suggestions and advice.

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