Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Marius Surleac
Marius Surleac
May 27, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Vibrations



Those noisy steps on the wall –
one shadow hiding
away in the light!

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Romania, ROU

More from this author

Comments

Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

17 years 11 months ago

Haiku

Smiles:) Barbara Not sure if you were going for traditional or not. I see your syllable are 7|5|6 5|7|5 is one of the traditional form for writing haiku. Not all care to stick with that. I prefer the original structure.
Marius Surleac

Marius Surleac

17 years 11 months ago

thank you...

You are absolutely right. Sorry, I haven't noticed that there are 6 syllables in the last stanza, and in this one I have not respected the 5-7-5 classical rule. I can not change it because this is the way I wanted to be like. Cheers and thank you!
Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

17 years 11 months ago

Haiku

Smiles:) Barbara If not haiku, should you call it that? A very good first stanza of a poem as it is now.
P

poewriter58

17 years 11 months ago

Marius

It is good to see /read you again. Perhaps you would like to ex[and this poem? I question whether you meant to use footsteps on the wall? If so that is quite imaginative if not then perhaps you meant: Footsteps in the hall, Footsteps through the wall? Whatever you meant this could be quite a surrealistic poem if continued. Chrys
Marius Surleac

Marius Surleac

17 years 11 months ago

thank you Chrys

Hi Chrys. What I wanted to point with this poem is just a surrealist stance and the noisy steps are those of a shadow that is present during our lives. Hiding = I meant to show shadow’s movement with the direction of light. This is a little bit of surrealism and a little bit of optical physics. I don know if I will expand it because I didn’t want to express too much, to be annoying for the readers; it just express few thoughts under a surrealist shape. Cheers and thank you for your words. Marius
P

poewriter58

17 years 11 months ago

Marius

If I asked you very nicely to expand this poem would you ,? I do not see where it would get annoying at all. It really could be a great poem. At least I got the surrealistic part correct lol. Be Well Chrys
A

Alobar

17 years 11 months ago

I hate to disagree but I

I hate to disagree but I think it's perfect as is. Haunting and creepy, with questions, leaves one looking over their shoulder, looking for meaning. Wonderfully lingers in the mind like an almost remembered dream or even vague nightmare, or perhaps a fine cognac.... Alobar (Just my two cents, spend them on gum if you wish.)
Marius Surleac

Marius Surleac

17 years 11 months ago

Chrys and Alobar

Chrys, I do not want to disappoint you but I choose to let the poem the way it is because I am sure that if I will try to expand it will loose his significance. And, as Alobar said, I will let it the way it is because the simple fact that makes the readers to imagine different shapes for this poem makes them to think or to remember different memories. Alobar, you are right about and is what I wanted to say. I will let it like that because is more mysterious than if I'll continue it's idea. Thank you for the support and kind words. Thank you both for the support and I appreciate your advices. Sincerely, Marius!
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 9 months ago

Dig it

you prove there is no barrier between art and science, I wish I could do it so subtly. I tend to be a bit heavy handed (understatement of the year) At the risk of offending 90% of the poets on this site, I think most American art lacks subtlety. cheers, Jess
Marius Surleac

Marius Surleac

17 years 9 months ago

Well Jess, I - as a

Well Jess, I - as a physicist and also as a poet, like to combine both in one, to create not just poetry but a sculpted one in the body of science. I want to be something else. Thank you! Marius