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A
Alobar
May 21, 2008 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

Falling


I feel as though tumbling
Uncontrollably stumbling
Stumbling then tumbling into the blackness below.

Seems endlessly falling
My voice it is calling
I’m calling, “I’m falling into the blackness below!”

No one replies
To my desperate cries
No replies to my cries from the blackness below.

And so I descend
Forever—no end!
I descend without end into the blackness below.
— Alobar, May 21, 2008

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Country/Region: CAN

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Critiques

Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

18 years 2 months ago

Alobar

Smiles:) Barbara This was too repetitious. a great poem is hidden in there. Falling in to blackness, I like the image here.
C

Calliope

18 years 2 months ago

I have to disagree here.

I thought the repitition was cleverly used in this poem actually.I rather liked it.I have fallen into that blackness below many times,only to return stronger and wiser.As I'm sure you will as well. Lacy, Where power corrupts,poetry cleanses.
Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

18 years 2 months ago

Falling

Smiles:) Barbara I have fallen into the black hole and can see a great poem behind the repetition. maybe, just me, but i feel a little less repetition would be better.
A

Alobar

18 years 2 months ago

Repetition stays, repetition

Repetition stays, repetition stays. It's meant to be somewhat magnetic, as darkness can be, a lynch pin of sorts. I wanted to experiment with rhyme and repition, and how it was received. So far the score is one-all. Thanks to both of you for taking the time. Alobar (Just my two cents, spend them on gum if you wish.)

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