infinite_dwarf

May 19, 2008 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

My Prince Returns (Your Return revised)

It's been a long time since we've spoken.
It seems a lifetime has gone by.
And I've been waiting.
Thinking.
Missing your form; submissiveness.
Wishing for your adoration; your devotion and loyalty.

To you, there is no comparison.
All efforts pale, and come to naught.
And here you are again before me.
Sprawled out on that duvet
The one where your love has laid.
Restless
Come to me, my rogue prince.
And let us catch up on old times.....

1st revision - 21/05/08

— infinite_dwarf, May 19, 2008

About the Author

Region, Country: North Carolina, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: E.A. Poe, Lewis Carroll, Charles Bukowski, Michael McClure, Lawrence Ferlenghetti.

Critiques

poewriter58

18 years 2 months ago

Jess

Put some meat behind these words the idea is there but there is no substance "prince" bleh what other word can you find( not angel either I've missed you very much ( hmmm) weak line to may yours for my taste many people like repetition and sometimes it works but not this time this line switch the words around it will smooth out the line( it's wrinkled) It seems ages have gone by( I haven't forgotten how to iron) back to the yours keep the first one then just use an apostrophe perhaps end that stanza with shall I go go or something like that How about something like to you no one dare compare just don't like this line at all the one where your good girl has slept how about the one where your loved one has slept now a title And now you've returned? The Returning( a little different) As You Stand Before Me here is a guy that you haven't sen in how long , someone that you loved put some emotion behind those words Chrys(mom)

infinite_dwarf

18 years 2 months ago

lol

I'll leave the smut poems to you - seems I'm not right for this catagory. LMAO!!! My smut is weak. ~Jess ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ~ "Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the hell is the ceiling??"

poewriter58

18 years 2 months ago

Jeez

I don't write smut poems my poems have class lol

weirdelf

18 years 2 months ago

3 love poems in a row!

Spring in the Northern Hemisphere I suppose. Strangely, while reading it, I thought it was going to turn out to be an allegory for something else. Your muse? An aspect of yourself? Perhaps it's all about Jung's concept of anima/animus, we seek the masculine/feminine complementaries in each other. cheers, Jess

DarkinAZ

18 years 2 months ago

Wow!

sometimes Mums can be the best/worst critic. Have a great day (both of you) Your friend, Mark

poewriter58

18 years 2 months ago

jess

In case people start thinking I am being too harsh you have gotten the same treatment that any one gets from me lol the only difference is "people please note" I did ask her first before I took this poem apart :-) Chrys/mom who ever I am thses days lol

DarkinAZ

18 years 2 months ago

Hi MOM!

I was just "josh'n ya" It's good to hassle your children sometimes, I am learning that is just one of the joy's of parenting. Your friend, Mark

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Hey Lynn

How about either rogue or roguish prince? (mischevious person)Liked the poem. Always, Cat

DarkinAZ

18 years 2 months ago

I like

"Longing for my prince" or something like that. Sincerely, Mark

infinite_dwarf

18 years 2 months ago

sulks off to her corner

My mommy hated it. :~( (laughing) Yes, what she says is true - she asked if she could rip it apart first, and upon reading it for the millionth time, I agree some changes need to be made. I thought the repetition would have worked, as out loud, it sounds good. (I usually read them out loud before posting - kinda gives me a sense of what it'll sound like to others.... lol, I'm the little voice in your head!) Mom - The 'ages it seems' line will probably get inverted. I'll have to find something to do with the 'your' lines. Gotta make him a more evil prince or something. I guess it would have helped if I actually were writing this about someone. For me, it's just words on a page - so emotion is difficult to convey. Thanks for shredding my poem, it needed it. :~) AZ Mark - Who's side are you on anyways?! LOL! Jess - That's a great idea, and if my brain hadn't been damaged with the overload from school, I might have been able to whip something like that up. Thanks for reading. Kitty Cat - Hehehe, I'll turn it into a horror/paranormal poem for ya... maybe I can be boinked by a vampire or something. ~Jess ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ~ "Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the hell is the ceiling??"

barbsdad2003

18 years 2 months ago

What fun ...

the commenters are having here. A delight to see. Mr. Nitpicky says, "I think 'laid' in this context ought to be 'lain.'" (But to hell with Mr. Nitpicky; I'm having a blast reading the comments!) Yours, Chuck PS: Oh, I do like your light touch here. Your "let us catch up on old times" can, if one chooses to see it that way, be grinningly/deliciously/winkingly euphemistic.

infinite_dwarf

18 years 2 months ago

Bingo!!

chuck - I'm glad you were able to see the 'naughty' suggestion I was going for. Wanted it to come across tastefully if that were the interpretation - yet open-ended. *hangs head* I will rectify the 'lain-laid' flub when I get a chance, guess I wasn't paying attention. Thanks for reading! Poor Buster's like "what's a prince? Can I be one, too?" :~D ~Jess ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ~ "Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the hell is the ceiling??"

DarkinAZ

18 years 2 months ago

Really nice!

I like the revisions on this. Look out mom she's after your crown. Sincerely, Mark

barbsdad2003

18 years 2 months ago

Oops! Wrong place. Look

Oops! Wrong place. Look above. Chuck

barbsdad2003

18 years 2 months ago

In my household ...

Buster's already a prince. All yours, Chuckles (PS: Damn! Still wrong place! This comment's supposed to follow on the heel of Jess's last one here. Oh, well ...)

Dalton

16 years 2 months ago

i almost agree with some of

i almost agree with some of the comments here. only that i still think this work needs something else to aid its completion. it needs the breath of life. what do you really feel about this person, how does your heart alter in its course when your love is near, how do you suffer and love to suffer when your beloved is not. how do you love to suffer for even that is better than the death of your lovers separation. you're an artist you will work it out for yourself i know. love and well wishes john x

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