Senryu: Black Eye

well written haiku's... and each one would stand alone.. but together..very good writing on the subject matter and the last stanza was mind blowingly good..sounds as if you've been there...or close to it.. thanks for posting this.. Richard

more like she got hamered with a 2x6 Barbara there is more than a black eye here at first but I love how you wrap it up ;) This is a Senryu Barbara (about a person) so I would actually not make reference to the style at all in the title it is plain as day and not one syllable out of place - nice nice Mark

that goes to show you what I know about formed poetry.. actually I did know that haiku was about nature.. I thought it was written well... Richard

in reality you have four senryu traditional structure three lines and three lines only for a Haiku or Senryu with a 5/7/5 some may argue that you can have any amount of syllables and any amount of lines but would that in fact make it Haiky/Senryu then I think not as it was changed from it's original form then and as such qualifies as free verse or free form and no longer Haiku etc Haiku is nature senryu is people either way nice work

Haiku or Senryu it doesn't matter. This poem knocked me out. Thanks for writing it and I hope it never happened to you. Awesome piece. Patricia

Body black and blue Tear streak face red and puffy Broken jaw shattered Vivid imagery brings this completely to life. Very powerfully written. This gets a 5 from me - excellent writing! :-) Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

This work is certainly deserving of the spotlight Barbara;) Mark

Congrats on making the spotlight I second that Mark Chrys

I third the congrats on spotlight. Great piece - and excellent imagery... especially the last line. ~Jess ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ~ "Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the hell is the ceiling??"

Ouch!!!!

Wow. That was a good write. I dont know haiku well, so i cant critisise. But it kept me interested and i liked it. Dramatic!

All that hard effort pays off, and well deserved, I really enjoyed reading, (smiling) Very Best Regards Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~

"can you believe this is not about an actual beating, but about guilt." No, I can't, even the last 3 lines don't get that across to me. It speaks to me of women who stay in abusive relationships where the beating is a form of attention. I know about beating oneself up with guilt and shame (I have a large spiked metaphorical club for that express purpose) But that just doesn't come across to me. No other disagreements, superbly written and a real risk-taking success for you, great to see new directions, it's why I am so passionate about this site, the excitement of seeing people learn and grow. cheers, Jess

Again... thank god for the spotlight...i would have missed this. Raw to the bone! Congrats... I am very happy you were not abused. The older I am the more I find out how many women have been either sexually or physically (or both) abused. I no longer wear my guilt outside in (inside out?) and it has yellowed with age.;-) ~Anna

is sexually abused by religion cheers, Jess

You said a mouthful of truth, Jess and Mark...we are taught to be asexual.. yet all the ecstatic fringes of religions... ecstatic Buddhism, Christianity, Sufism, Kabbalah speaks of a bliss when one reunites with God... whatever/whoever that is... For women it's a double whammy. We're damned if we do and damned if we don't by all mainstream religions... ~Anna