Monster

as I said in (Caliope's) write. - may have spelled wrong.- this reminds me of someone I know.

Smiles:) Barbara Of the body’s Burgundy wine It slinks Back to the pit Protected by its armor Of this human wall Of scar tissue This living canvas of pain… I thought these lines was briliant

you've really captured it,cat. Where power corrupts,poetry cleanses.

There's a character in Devil's Rejects named Cutter. He lived for death and destruction, but he wasn't a vampire or cannibal. This poem reminded me of him, though. Second thing I was reminded of : succubus.... sucks the life out of people, but is pretty as can be - she puts you under her spell, and you become entranced, then a shell. Good job here, Cat! ~Lynn (Jess K.) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ~ "Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the hell is the ceiling??"

Wow thats amazing. Realy kept me engrossed!The short lines seemed to give a real impact!

"Oops!" says Mr. Nitpicky. "You missed the capital O in 'of longing memories.'" With an obnoxiously self-satisfied, slightly mischievous grin, Chuckles

Powerful and painful, Cat. Understood all too well by me as well. One part trips me a bit, not quite sure why: "Tranquil shadows warming Sweeps fragments" What is sweeping the fragments? The shadows? Would "Sweeps" then become "Sweep?" Best to you, my friend. Ronda

Yes, you've got it and you did it well. Of course you did, you are an excellent poet. However, there's a mountain of poetry out there on this subject, and I think by adding to the mountain, you, unwittingly or at least unwantingly, glorify the whole thing. Make it seem a simple solution. "If they write about it, it must be cool." Please don't take this as an attack, just an observation of what I see as I slowly cross the bridge between youth and middle age. The youth are fragile and impressionistic to the extreme, and it is something I think needs to be approached from a different direction than mere reporting or description. Perhaps though, this poem could be expanded upon, taken a step further, to a solution and happiness on the other side. Give salvation. I don't know, just a thought, perhaps you are happy having just depicted as you have, and you have done it extremely well--the short lines especially, like tiny cuts--but I can't help but think that in order to be considered a true and mature poem, it needs to be expanded upon, brought to a new level. Alobar (Just my two cents, spend them on gum if you wish.)

I truly like this, Cat...a very arresting piece. I don't much care for the format, and would be interested in your own reasons for it in this case...and I do think it would benefit from some punctuation. However it was such a thoughtful effort, and expresses itself so imaginatively, that these objections are certainly secondary. Yours in peace, Synchro

Smiles:) Barbara Wonderful congratulation

congrats on the spotlight... your poem was amazing be blessed brandi

Congrats ! I really enjoyed it ! Cindy

I loved this Monster My favorite lines: Spilling In warm liquid Red jewels Cascading AND the ending was awesome!!

actually enjoy the format here, freeform with an underlying structure some people might not see (the elusive structure of a natural surrealist), and some of the images go into one's subconscious like a tick: "And soft velvet pouches/ Whose drawstrings/Tightly constrict/Hopes of love and tenderness"--ouch. gorgeous, but ouch. a nice trip into the psyche of a seeking mind.

I have no quarrel with free verse, Cat, and use a lot of it myself, but strongly disagree that it needs no punctuation. Punctuation is there to help us, make the piece more readable. While there are occasional "stream of consciousness" efforts that can get away with avoiding that help, it is never wrong to include it. Yours in peace, Synchro

Wow Cat I am speachless , a Living canvas of pain,Woah Momma can i relate to that lol love you and love this write , your extraordinary Cat ... love and higgest bugs Jayne x x

Awwww huni dont feel too bad , by my summer all this will be a dream fingers crossed, I will even cross my eyes ;)lol love and higgest bugs Jayne x x ;)