The Roofer

Hammer fat grey nails through asphalt
Black tar
Its smell infecting you,
Ice-water tasting like dying lungs

The sun’s fire is focused,
A laser beam on your head
Back of neck
Slowly cooking as you hammer, hammer, hammer

The black floor is solid and your footing is sure,
There is no fear of falling
As indeed the height is more background, distant television
And every so often a pause
To stand and look up at the sun
Then down, on the subjects below:
You feel like a king during that brief moment
In glorious light

Back to work then,
Tar-infused sips of water
And the hammering
The constant hammering,
Pounding on the heads below….

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: CAN

Comments

DarkinAZ

18 years ago

ah yes,

But after a long days work like this, dinner taste better, and your home more inviting. The rewards of a hard days work! I liked this very much. Only a year ago I was working construction (for five years total) in the Arizona sun. Promoted to a/c, Mark

Alobar

18 years ago

It’s been some time since

It's been some time since physical work was the norm for me--I now sit behind a computer most days--and I miss eating like that, just devouring, replacing the calories, almost animalisticly. A/C does have its benefits though..... Alobar (Just my two cents, spend them on gum if you wish.)

infinite_dwarf

18 years ago

Alobar

I like this one, but the line 'hammer, hammer, hammer' kind of detracts from everything. Good imagery - and yes, it is quite warm! ~Lynn (Jess K.) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ~ "Bush is listening.... use big words!" ~ "Your inferiority complex is better than mine..."

themoonman

18 years ago

Alobar...

I've been that guy.. and it's better doing the hammering than being the shingle toter...I've been both. Hot work. Nice tight poem.. Richard

Alobar

18 years ago

Aye, and who in the hell

Aye, and who in the hell decided black was a good colour for shingles anyway: turns them hot as cast-iron frying pans!! Alobar (Just my two cents, spend them on gum if you wish.)

Amaranthine

18 years ago

Pounding on the Heads Below

Great poem! I don't think you need that tag line - "God, it's hot today!" You have made that clear and I feel "pounding on the heads below" is a much stronger end, because it ties back to your first stanza. I like tar-infused and would encourage you to consider using a hyphenated word-phrase in your opening stanza as well. In general - there seemed to be an overuse of the words "you" and "your" - I think you could rephrase a few lines and omit some of those - such as: infectious-black-tar-stench makes ice-water taste like dying lungs. or: The sun’s fire is focused: laser beam to head, back of neck, slowly cooking as you hammer, hammer, hammer Anyway, I think you get the idea. Overall, great poem - I felt as if I were sweltering on the roof with ya. Sincerely, Amara

Alobar

18 years ago

When I wrote it the banging

When I wrote it the banging of the hammer was something I wanted to put into this piece, resounding everywhere in the background, I also wanted it firmly second person, wanted to make the reader the roofer, thus all the you's: I wanted to "hammer" that point home. Now, a couple of day's space between the writing, I think you may have a point, I think I will rework as per your suggestion. I haven't yet decided about the last line. I had the exact same hesitation as you did and chose to keep it when I wrote it, but jury is still out, we shall see.... Thanks for your comments. Alobar (Just my two cents, spend them on gum if you wish.)

Janice Pearce

18 years ago

Alobar

Great piece! I agree with all of Amara's suggestions, some great insight here~

Alobar

18 years ago

Took many of them, decided

Took many of them, decided yours counted as a vote against the last line as well: majority rules (I was on the fence anyway) and it is gone. Thanks. Alobar (Just my two cents, spend them on gum if you wish.)