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WK
What We Have Known
May 03, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Driver Left A While Ago

We lie together, underneath a blanket of dust
The driver left a while ago, you can see it in his eyes
Struggle on, I will, I wish to fight another day
To push it away and bring you back and round
But your pulse is weak and tired
And I can't stand the sound of the ground
It supports us now but it betrayed us earlier
When we pleaded for its soft green mercy
It told us "No"
Your time is now
We lived to fight another bough
Of the tree that twisted around the heart of the driver
— What We Have Known, May 03, 2008

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KN

Kieran Nelson

18 years 1 month ago

Hello there! On reading the

Hello there! On reading the poem a few times, I have to say It comes across a little too cryptic. Also I'd say that the few rhymes you've used seem very tired and forced, I think it would have been much better, and make slightly more sense had you left out the rhymes. I did enjoy the flow at the start, and the title of the piece is wonderful at drawing you in. However, and there is always one, I felt it just ran out of steam into the 2nd half. Take what you will from my comments. Kieran "Mind, how you go!" - Roger McGough's poem for LSD Awareness Week