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War Scene - beyond the wealth of the winners

War Scene - beyond the wealth of the winners

A hand from a dead body uphold
by a megalithic pile of weapons,
tries with a last effort to survive –
for the aggrieved mothers!
Laid on the murky soil, the soldiers –
both dead or alive – hang in a deceased nature
filled with blind, deaf and mute shapes;
but the butt buried beneath them
unburdens the remaining gunpowder…
Chopped down were also those guys –
with only one word, one voice!!!
Trenches remained quiet and waiting
for soldiers to fall – like some black widows –
to fall crying.
The white-grey flags
stab themselves like in a fight between enemies
(for life and death).
Some warmer screams raise worst,
blood rivers hardly trickles from the
wide spread throats;
so, finally all of them see
the same dusk vanishing
at the edge of their sight.
In blood puddles are falling asleep,
forever, the beloved ones – with a closer look
to the worn out grenades,
within some evil prodigious acid vapours.
On the sky, there’s a smoke –
from the poisoned terrifying mushrooms!
Because of the hot air around,
changes hardly can be distinguished.
Far to the horizon a few shadows
trying to cheat the arrogant death;
scythe follows their knees leaving no tracks but…
SILENCE! … SILENCE! … NOTHING!!!
The ground beneath, breaths refined
a huge mosaic:
Creatures that won’t come back ever…

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Romania, ROU

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Comments

B

barbsdad2003

18 years ago

I don't share weirdelf's ...

antipathy for triple exclamation marks, with one caveat: that they must be well placed. Here you've placed it perfectly at the end of NOTHING. (And, frankly, the other pieces I've read of yours have used them wisely, too.) Thank you, and thanx for the pleasure I've here gained from reading such a masterful write, Chuck
Marius Surleac

Marius Surleac

18 years ago

Thank you so much Chuck!

The pleasure is mine for such wise words you used in your comment. I appreciate your kind comment and I am glad that it was a pleasure for you to read my poem! Sincerely, Marius
P

pinksheep

18 years ago

To me

the way you ended this poem the last six lines especially had a compelling strength-It is interesting to me that you use only 3 words on one line and accentuate them, a sort of explosion, although it was silence and nothing- The subject of this poem is extremely serious therefore may I commend you for writing on a subject such as this, and writing with such power, there are many lines in this poem that contain imagery of much force and great solidity-I only wish my words were as powerful as your own-
Marius Surleac

Marius Surleac

18 years ago

thank you for the strong words...

Yes, you're all right about that stanza, because what I wanted to point was in fact that war brings only death and nothing more: but silence on the battlefield and silence under the name humanity searching for peace - the only path found by much of the World’s powerful rulers is the path of War, and the peace in the name they all fight for is just a spot that wiped the happiness of millions of people. Thank you for your straight comment with powerful words! Cheers Marius
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 12 months ago

Had to come back to this one..

I read this one a couple of days ago, and had to come back for an encore. You describe the battlefield very vividly, I think. Seemed like I was standing right in the midst of it all. You have a great way with words, and am looking forwards to reading more of your work. ~Lynn (Jess K.) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ~ "Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the hell is the ceiling??"
Marius Surleac

Marius Surleac

17 years 12 months ago

thank you Lynn

Yes, is about the battle field and the basic idea that there are no winners in all this. I am glad that my poem created these feelings to you and thank you for the beautiful words. Marius
S

Synchro

17 years 11 months ago

There are some arrresting things in this poem

but I think its weakness lies in its form. It is essentially a list of the characteristics of war (or the battlefield)but without a conclusion of its own, even though of course it is implied. A poem needs to grab, to make the message the reader's own. Do leave off the caps at the end. I think they cheapen it. Obviously they and the silence are a foil for the horror, but that part is obvious. Give us a punchline instead. Then the poem will have a point. Leave the reader with a surprise, or a dramatic twist. You have sold us on the grisley battlefield. Now give us something to think about. Yours in peace, Synchro
Marius Surleac

Marius Surleac

17 years 11 months ago

thank you Synchro

Hi again Synchro. I appreciate your feedback but the conclusion is to be found in the subtitle and the last stanza of the poem, and as you said, is implied by the whole body of the poem. I won't leave off the caps from the end of the poem because is exactly what I want to suggest: silence that inflicts “nothingness” and stabs the eyes of the readers. About the "surprise", you are right, because this poem doesn't quite finish with stealing the breath of the writers and there's no twist that would change its shape because after war there is nothing but horror. I have not experienced the fist of war and I never wish to - I wrote this poem from what I read about wars, from pictures and so on. Thank you very much and see you around.
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 9 months ago

It's hard to say I love a poem about war,

let's just say I appreciate it and your message, as you say, the content is the message. A particular subtlety I like is that you gently tie in nature's loss, it's not just humans that suffer. cheers, Jess