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whitetea
whitetea
Apr 23, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

beligerent

you

     talk the way a fist would
sometimes open
     other times with curled,
        shut fingers

you
 go on like
    Pheidippides,

swearing away fatigue
ripping through,  
   you pretend to be water
           (you move more than stone)

  i try to find your music,
    but you tread faintly

    between breaths
— whitetea, Apr 23, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Chrystos, Mark Strand, Adrienne Rich, Naomi Shihab Nye, Rachel M. Simon, Donald Justice, Mary Oliver, Nikki Giovanni, Alice Walker, Bukowski, Mary Lambert

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Critiques

Jonathan Moore

Jonathan Moore

18 years 1 month ago

A very nice turn of phrase

As well as some excellent imagery I especially liked: -------------------------- talk the way a fist would -------------------------- Excellent shorthand there. I have one clarification to ask: -------------------------- you pretend to be water (you move more than stone) -------------------------- I'm not clear as to the message here if it is more than "while you move some, you do not flow like water, no matter what you pretend." Could you let me know where I've gone wrong or right on this? This was a good poem. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)
whitetea

whitetea

18 years ago

>

Thankyou, Jonathan. I was going for saying that this person feels very allowing, like water, but at the same time I wanted to say they were really close to being like a stone like being just a tick mark away from it. I hope that makes sense. Once again I appreciate your having read this. Thanks for the kind words. I love your sig.