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It's Confusing

  The explanation is self explanatory      I'm a poet in a different category   I'm sometimes cool calm
Sometimes I'm just luke warm       Then there's those times I'ma human torch     Flame On
A comic book reference       But that was a part of my childhood     Though at times I may take a look
It's all good      How about we flip the page past that      How about  I get into this


I'm highly intrigued and would love to hear your story, I've been reading your poetry
The way your lines intertwine and combine,I'm so relaxed when I read it 
As I recline and unwind, I sometimes even rewind if I don't fully understand 
                                        The  Meaning


 If you think I'm funny, to me your a riot   The good type not the one with people outside getting voilent
Can you excuse my silence   I hope you weren't waiting to long   Can you remain calm?
Like a blind date  I should've called and said I'll be late
My sincerest apology   I'm sorry let me demonstrate 


Maybe a serenade but after maybe your ears a need clinic aid 
cause I haven't tried to sing to female since the 7th grade 
Act my age maybe that's too much information
Late 20's  early 80's baby        Slim 6'1 buck 80 maybe


Wait        Hold up it's like I'm trying get with somebody on a website

I've never seen your face so let me step back a taste and just say thanks
Thank you for being you and I appreciate all that you do
Your aura is incredible,Thru the screen it shines thru

Let me end this with a final sentence,  If any man ever broke your heart you tell them that I said

                                        T H E Y   N E E D   T O   A S K   T H E   L O R D   F O R   F O R G I V E N E S S

 

                                                                                                                                

 

                                                                                    P.S.   How did you enjoy earth day buddy

                                                                                               I sign the petition and thanks for helping me realize

                                                                                               about the epidemic over there.    

                                                                                                                   Thanks for helping me see an important issue.          PEACE
   

— Rolwright, Apr 22, 2008

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Critiques

KN

Kieran Nelson

18 years 1 month ago

So you didn’t take

So you didn't take anything we said about your last poem into account? I understand you've said don't critique the mechanics but I'm going to anyway. Put it in stanzas, then the rhymes will work, and I won't lose my breath trying to read it, punctuation is your friend. But in anycase, your poetry is your poetry, leave it as it is if you will, I'm only here to help it get better, but only from my own point of view. Kieran "Mind, how you go!" - Roger McGough's poem for LSD Awareness Week
R

Rolwright

18 years 1 month ago

Appreciate it

Some say I'm bad at taking constructive critism but I'm learning. Thank you for your comment and I'll try to make it easier and work on the stanzas.With my sincerest appreciation,until you read me again.
M

Majeedahs_Umi

18 years 1 month ago

confusing?

you have got to be kiddin me....
themoonman

themoonman

18 years 1 month ago

Hi..

I thought it flowed good.. would have read a bit easier in broken stanzas.. and I believe it is what it says it is.. A letter to someone.. in poetic form. nicely done. Richard
S

Skumpfsklub

18 years 1 month ago

I think the mechanic effective here

You make your points in several different voices, delivering clearly different attitudes and moods, all in the one piece. Sounds like an effective mechanics to me. Your previous three pieces posted here? They didn't work well enough to hold my attention. First things first.
M

Majeedahs_Umi

17 years 10 months ago

aura....

everyone has an incredable one to you huh? be blessed, brandi