slightly coarse

in my opinion but people are not and I think their choices are what you are writing about. You might want to make a seperate write and work with that love line. I understand being in love is implied but I wonder what a version where the choices we take that cause us to no longer be in love or interrupt it would be like, zandrew26? I liked the poem :) Mark

No it never is but then what ever is slightly coarse that is a rather mild title yes ,no , maybe Chrys

Interesting scenario you present. The phonecall made this read personal, but the reference to the sun made it seem universal. I can not truly grasp the concept of the sun returning slightly coarse - or even what slightly coarse thoughts are. I appreciate the areas in which you describe the relationship, but would prefer a less blunt depiction. However, I suspect you intended it to be cut and dry and this boils down to poetic tastes. I encourage a stanza break between: "like the sun it returns" and "slightly coarse" It was a pleasure to read you. I am interested in reading other freestyle poems you have created.

The sun returning slightly coarse didn't quite work for me either. I can't think of another suggestion though. I liked this closing lines:- signal lost intention unclear reminding me what I have lost and what remains slightly coarse And can relate. Nice work:-) Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

Your poem reminds me of a Marc Cohn song. I don't know if you know who he is, but I love just about everything that he sings. (If you don't know of him google him) Always, Cat

Hope all is well where you are in this slightly coarse way of things.. I liked the referance to the sun.. sometimes its brightness is just what we need and sometimes you have to squint the morning through.. just one thing. than that voice fades... shouldn't than be then.? You have some great lines in this, I just want to point one out that I think is wonderfully creative. thoughts pushed backwards beauty or its illusion returns for fifteen minutes then the voice fades. loved that line. Richard

Good to see you posting some stuff on here, Andrew. I really like this poem - it touches on a theme that I think all of us have experienced at one point or another. You MUST post 'Church Of I Don't Give A F***' I think a lot of people would like it. btw, love the joint write between you and mother - it came out beautiful! ~Jess ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ~ "Bush is listening.... use big words!" ~ I don't SUFFER from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"

Whoa! For a poem titled "slightly coarse", this is SO smoooooooooth! I know this feeling - like ya don't know whether to sigh, cry or die.... Very eloquent, "z"! Keep 'em comin'!!! - Maria