Haiku: Stormy Sunset

I like this one it may sound weird but it gives vision.

Hi Barbara, the first second and last one are off one syllable. Hate to tell ya but you have 6 and ya need 7 in each of those middle lines for haiku. Not sure if we are really haiku here or senyru but I think more senyru. Anyhow the poetry I like very much :) Mark

http://members.tripod.com/~Startag/HkSenDiff.html Here Barbara. Just close any pop ups and don't install the active x but this gives you the accurate description and spelling of Haiku Senryu and hybrids (combinations of both) Mark

You may need to use the dictionary to help you count syllables :( sorry to say it looks like your challenge as is my metaphor. (last lines in 2nd and 3rd Haikus) Keep on keeping on ! Mark

Haiku is a tricky form. There is far more to it than counting syllables and making the topic nature. There are many famous haikus that do not follow the 5-7-5 count. In the Japanese language some of the syllables depict punctuation of sort... so, even a close translation that is 3-5-3 can be considered haiku. I think you did great for your first attempt, but didn't feel these are "true" haikus. It was more like a statement spread over three lines with breaks after the appropriate count. Haiku needs to be a snapshot- a picture that reveals deep meaning...leaves you blown away. Here is one of my favorite descriptions of haiku by Billy Collins - it is titled Japan Japan Today I pass the time reading a favorite haiku, saying the few words over and over. It feels like eating the same small, perfect grape again and again. I walk through the house reciting it and leave its letters falling through the air of every room. I stand by the big silence of the piano and say it. I say it in front of a painting of the sea. I tap out its rhythm on an empty shelf. I listen to myself saying it, then I say it without listening, then I hear it without saying it. And when the dog looks up at me, I kneel down on the floor and whisper it into each of his long white ears. It's the one about the one-ton temple bell with the moth sleeping on its surface, and every time I say it, I feel the excruciating pressure of the moth on the surface of the iron bell. When I say it at the window, the bell is the world and I am the moth resting there. When I say it at the mirror, I am the heavy bell and the moth is life with its papery wings. And later, when I say it to you in the dark, you are the bell, and I am the tongue of the bell, ringing you, and the moth has flown from its line and moves like a hinge in the air above our bed. END The haiku Mr. Collins speaks of is the one ton bell by Buson on the one ton temple bell a moon-moth, folded into sleep, sits still. .... You see the syllable count is not "accurate", but the haiku works and is GREAT - famous even. I encourage you to study more haiku and not be afraid of the ones without the 5-7-5 count. It is the image and what it means to the reader that is the goal - how that one snapshot without any emotional description can make the reader FEEL.

traditional Haiku follows a 5/7/5 pattern the only difference in Haiku and senryu is one deals with nature the other human you have three different Haikus here #1 5/7/5 2nd 5/7/7 3rd 5/77 good first attempt it isn't as easy at it may seem Chrys

Nice 2nd try works well you have also captured a rainstorm very nicely Chrys

Barbara, you know I always believe that if I can't get right with the fundamentals then I cannot build on top of them. For me learning Haiku means first knowing the basic syllable structure and working with it in nature. Then I can begin to try and find a philosophy to incoporate into a haiku. Smetimes for me that is a matter of getting lucky. This is where I am at with Haiku. I still like very much the simple childsplay it was originally intended as. Mark

There have been some suggestions that English Language haiku follow a 5-7-5 syllable pattern. This common misconception arises from the differences in sound units in Japanese and in English. There's an elaboration of this in wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haiku If you explore the premier online haiku journals, Modern Haiku, Heron's Nest, Simply Haiku, you'll see that very few of the haiku have 17 syllables. The average syllable count is about 13. 13 English syllables take about as much time to read aloud in on ones mind as 17 Japanese sound units. The focus on syllables as the key characteristic of English language haiku is seldom practiced by haiku poets. Instead they focus on brevity, descriptiveness and the link between a haiku's two phrases--most haiku have two phrases and it's the juxtaposition that produces some zing. Most practicing English language haijin (haiku poets) believe that adherence to the 575 form leads to overstylized short poems which is antithetical to the aim of a true haiku. I hope that this is of use. Ray http://raysweb.net/haiku