That Perfect Summer

I remember a fair July
And the bleak anticipation
And the day's plan going awry
And hints of annihilation
And as we tread from home to wood,
No more than ninety yards away,
From a distance, I understood,
That everything would change today.

Images played across my mind
Like a kaleidoscope of fear.
I found that loathing intertwined
With lurid thoughts from year to year
And in a sharp fearful descent                          
And a dreaded recollection
I relived the searing torment
And the chilling desperation.

"Could I be an actor?" he asked,
As a placid explanation.
For no one else saw him unmasked,
Or had heard our conversation
Where the burner was calmly set
And the pendant I'd worn destroyed.
But I did not mistake the threat;
It was a game that he enjoyed.

"Let me in," he tranquilly said
After I shut and locked the door.
I braced my feet and legs instead
And didn't listen anymore
As false calm cracked and slipped to rage
And wood shrieked against his fury;
I fell asleep locked in that cage
Agonized by shame and worry

"Don't run from me" he softly spoke
And I noticed his temper rise.
You never knew what would provoke
And I choked back my dismal cries.
Later I stood there silently
As my father made the repairs;
My brother told an easy lie,
Not that he'd thrown me down the stairs.

"Get up!" he screamed with rabid joy,
As I cowered upon the snow,
It was a treacherous decoy,
Followed by a staggering blow
He broke another square of ice,
And shattered it against my back,
He was always very precise,
Whenever he chose to attack.

"He ran away," was said to me,
As he returned without a care,
And ached to hear my tearful plea,
And wallow in my stark despair.
My kid brother had gone with him,
Was bound and gagged and left to die;
Returned later timid and grim,
That look took years to leave his eye.

"It's so cool" he trembled with glee
And loaded the rocket with mice
And waited for us to agree
And chuckled at us once or twice
And then he set it on the stand
And launched it with a carnal sigh
And when returned, took it in hand,
Death fallen from a bright blue sky.

I paused my step, a twelve year old,
Recalling terrors last to first
And waited for this to unfold
As if each step had been rehearsed.
My brother was a force of hate,
Through seventeen he'd cast a pall,
The horrors that he could create
Were devastating to us all.

And then we stopped before the wood
In contemplation of the scene
Discerning shapes now understood
My brother would not see eighteen,
And there amongst the summer day,
As we were led into the shade,
His lifeless body on display,
And I no longer was afraid.