Alobar

Apr 16, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Exploited

Black colours
She likes to dress in black colours
Black makeup
Black hair

She doesn’t talk much
Always has her head buried in a book
Either reading
Or writing

When I ask her what she’s written
She ignores me
Aloof,
More accurately: shy

The proper voice though
With the proper eyes behind it
Makes her open:
A blooming, stained flower—

            This is my book of poems
            She says
            I write about how I see the world
            And what it means
            What it means to me.

That perfect voice
The owner of those eyes
Receives her words—
            Both spoken and written—
With a sincerity only a great actor can muster

He reads attentively
Listens attentively
Comments little:

                        That is very profound
                                    or
                        That is very moving
                                    or
                        You’ve captured it well
                        (Never saying what it is)

These tiny nuggets of praise
He drizzles like honey over a delicate dessert

She is sweetened
Begins to shine through her black veils
Begins to talk

Her age becomes evident
Her innocence
And a particularly vulgar dance begins.

Later
She lies in silence
In the darkness

He dresses,
Leaves

Her black makeup
Runs in rivers
And her poetic soul
Receives the stains
As she received the man:
           With Innocent Welcome

There is a truth here.
There is a poem.

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: CAN

Comments

Calliope

18 years ago

Alobar

You've given me chills.This was incredibly insightful,intense and painfully beautiful.This is real life,and as I've said to another that is where beauty lies,in the raw,naked,and painful truth of us. Again beautiful. Bravo! Lacy, Where power corrupts,poetry cleanses.

Alobar

18 years ago

Thank you, I liked this one

Thank you, I liked this one too. Alobar (Just my two cents, spend them on gum if you wish.)

Candlewitch

18 years ago

I am of the same opinion of

I am of the same opinion of your poem as Lacy. It is brilliant and raw aand it stirs up many emotions with me. I know that girl, and I've met that guy who would play on ones strongest feelings just to get a little. This is perfect, please don't change a word of it. Always, Cat

Alobar

18 years ago

I too know both these

I too know both these people, several times actually. Always saddened me slightly, but it life and, in the end, the girl (though this could happen to a man as well) can pull experience out of this and learn and grow. I tried to give that to the young girl in the poem, I hope she--whoever she is--finds it. Alobar (Just my two cents, spend them on gum if you wish.)

RSScheerer

18 years ago

I think

that you'll find a few of us who were this girl. Reading this was like being there, watching her change from a quiet lonely girl to one with innocent hopes and tentative dreams. My heart aches for the girl she was, even as I know she will use this experience to move on, evaluating life through syllables and ink. Really a fantastic piece of writing. Even though it hits an emotional nerve, I can objectively say that there is nothing I would change. Ronda

Alobar

18 years ago

Thanks, I think it’s a

Thanks, I think it's a common story, unfortunately. Alobar (Just my two cents, spend them on gum if you wish.)

Skumpfsklub

18 years ago

Rotters come in several stripes and hues

You show that predator I find most repugnant, the smug and boastful serpent-mage who abuses mentor status. This poem doesn't quite whack that monster with a shovel, but it overturns the rock under which he lurks. The shift in narrative perspective is deftly done, as nimble as the forked tongue that speaks. The characteristic lofty disdain for sex is a subtle touch, that underscores the chilly and arid inhumanity of this tweedy beast, who only endures the sexual act for the sake of dominance. One can almost sense his weary resignation in the performance of the distasteful chore that demonstrates once again his superiority over the merely human. It's excellent work, that wants no revision.

Alobar

18 years ago

As I said above, it is all

As I said above, it is all too common a story, hopefully though the victims of this criminal act that there is no laws against, can use it as source of power and not be defeated by it. I think the girl in this poem is one of the survivors. Alobar (Just my two cents, spend them on gum if you wish.)

rider68

18 years ago

Truly Fantastic

This is serious soul stirring,- touching A beautiful account, Faultless. Regards Peter

Alobar

18 years ago

Glad to have

Glad to have shared. Alobar (Just my two cents, spend them on gum if you wish.)

Amaranthine

18 years ago

So Sad

This is a story far too common and you were able to tell it with such attention to details that many overlook, while being concise and allowing our eyes to see her as you did. Those little bits of praise she needs from someone and he is the one who gives them - they mean nothing to him and she learns that after the fact.. and another poem is writ in her notebook, and possibly another self-inflicted scar on her young skin that will never be as innocent again. I adore this poem - it is so well-crafted and the ending is on the mark!

Alobar

18 years ago

I am pleased this poem has

I am pleased this poem has gone over so well from both the male and female perspective, shows I did my job. I have known both characters depicted in it for, as many of you have noted, it is a very common tale. My disdain for him is quite high, but at the same time I don't feel it is something that is every going to go away, so the world can best be served by pointing it out. My esteem for her, for any taken advantage of but from which they draw strength and experience and find use for, is extremely high. It is a way to live a life: learning from what life gives you, good or bad, high or low, et cetera. Anyway, thank you for reading my poem, and for your comments. Alobar (Just my two cents, spend them on gum if you wish.)