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Seriously Taken

                                                                                         
                                                                                        
                                                                                               
                                                                                          seeds of deception
                                                                                        need manure to sprout
                                                                                             to get your own
                                                                                            gracious handful
                                                                                            will only cost you
                                                                                             everything that 
                                                                                            is very real to you
                                                                                                        yet,
                                                                                          somehow negotiable 
                                                                                             to such seeded 
                                                                                                   pastures 
                                                                                                exhausted by
                                                                                          testimonial  anecdotes
                                                                                                  that leave
                                                                                                  less doubt 
                                                                                             that one should 
                                                                                                  opt out
                                                                                         of such propagation
                                                                                                 to avoid a
                                                                                        slight to your finances 
                                                                                       
— IKnowNoBox, Apr 10, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: East Coast, USA

Favorite Poets: Weird Elf, Shel Silverstein, The Poet Anonymous

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Critiques

Jonathan Moore

Jonathan Moore

18 years 1 month ago

This was fun

But my dyslexia gave it an entirely different title, one I will keep to myself for now so that I might take a stab at the subject. My only suggestion is in line 19. "to avoid" I keep reading it as: "to avoid a" Is the structure there intended? Everything else flows very naturally though i wish there were some way to give the centered look and feet without the poem having to be centered in the display area. I find the additional white space distracting. I realise in a printed medium it would be less jarring. But definitely a good skewer of the subject. Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)
I

IKnowNoBox

18 years 1 month ago

thank you Jonathan

I tried to center it and if only we had a centering tab.I will pull it over to the side as soon as I am able.I put the title I had written on the first draft back I got it mixed up with another poem in my mule skin. In ink, dabbler
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 1 month ago

This is a tough and brave subject

but I want more. Rags to riches, land of opportunity, horrible hoaxes to keep the masses in line. This is a political poem (deny it till your face turns blue) and it needs more of the reasons for the lies we are told. Pug said all I wanted to say about formatting. A humble (well, not really) suggestion, read some of the better works on socialism. The best I know is a sci-fi novel called "The Dispossessed" by Ursula Leguin cheers, Jess