Among the Irish

We built a lovely tower on
A lovely hill and lovely lawn
And filled the grounds and balconies
With sweet and shining luxuries
And flora of rare elegance
That speaks of love and of romance
And works its magic to console
Each and every desperate soul.

We filled the halls with tapestries,
Exquisite works one rarely sees
Outside the homes of kings and queens,
Depicting hushed, pastoral, scenes
And battles of significance
And trysts relayed as fickle chance
And saints and martyrs burning bright
Within the less than tranquil night.

We strewed within the banquet rooms
Rushes infused with sweet perfumes
And in each suite we placed with care
Breathtaking art beyond compare
And mirrors on the mansion's walls
Brought light and laughter to the halls.
All this we did with bright renown . . .
And then we burnt the whole thing down.

— Pugilist, Apr 09, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Jacksonville area, FL, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Keats, Kipling, Carroll, Yeats, Tolkien, Shakespeare

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Critiques

orgami

18 years 2 months ago

tower power

this poem romps read it as i got home today bouncing along with the descriptions and rythm enjoyed it very much as to burning down it reminds me.. one would think of the South as "I wish I were in Dixie-Land Hurray!..Hurray!" but no i am thinking of the Irish at the turn of the nineteen hundreds finally having enough of the ol British and marching on their homes well in Ireland of all places and dragging them out with pitchforks black powder repeaters whatever they had all this at night when the civil British were resting by the fires One of them in the stone mansions all rambling with slate roofs gardens grand drives etc anyway yes back to the Irish well they dragged out the British and then they burned down the mansions one by one why didnt they kill them?? I think it was to make them watch their ancestral homes going up in flames these mansions were huge estates held by families for generations upon generations had forgotten all about this and remember this from readin books when i read books someone took black and whites of the ruins still standing today of course all over the place otherwise i wouldnt have known a thing about it but your poem reminded me of that i may even go and look it up online just for ol times sake thanks O

weirdelf

18 years 2 months ago

Orgami nailed it "romps" is the word

thoroughly enjoyed it first to last, especially the ending. Beautifully written. One line jars badly for me "That speaks of love and of romance" wouldn't "That speak of love and romance" flow a little better? Just a thought, oh and yes, the title could use some thought, got no suggestions though. cheers, Jess

asiajy

18 years 2 months ago

I think the title is fine

You could change it, but it's not necessary. Simplicity is usually the best, as shown.

Jonathan Moore

18 years 2 months ago

Thanks for the comments

O - I wish i could claim the Irish uprising were my inspiration - bloody English - but I am glad the poem stirred some images in your mind and that you found it enjoyable. Jess - the: "That speak of love and of romance” Is a cadence affection of mine. I will revisit the line to see how I might smooth it out for others and i thank you for pointing it out. Asiajy - I appreciate the comments about the title but there is something bubbling in the back of my mind and it will either come out in a few days or a few years. In the end I'm thinking the title vies for attention and posturing with the final line of the poem and I want a better distraction. This is an uncharacteristic piece for me in that it took less than a day to write and revise. Normally it's at least a week and generally more like a month. Thanks again to everyone for the review and comments. Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

Alobar

18 years 2 months ago

“And then we burnt the

"And then we burnt the whole thing down." I laughed. Suddenly, in your always perfect form, I caught a hint of the merry (and drunken) Irish Rovers. Wasn't at a party indeed. This has gotta be your funniest work. The cadence was playful, but everything seemed the same as some of your other work, then that last line. Made my night, my friend, I'll watch for your new title.

Jonathan Moore

18 years ago

REVISED Title Change implemented

I believe the new title adds to the surrealness of the piece where the original did not. Additionally, "trysts portrayed" kept stumbling for me so I modified it to "trysts relayed." Lastly, and I;m not entirely sold on this, I added a hard stop on the 2nd to last line. I want people to give this a heavy pause so that the last line is more powerful. I wish I could claim credit for the title but it was comments that suggested it to me and finally, after trying out a different title, I was convinced, that AMONG THE IRISH just fit. Comments are, as always, appreciated. Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

Alobar

18 years ago

New title works perfectly,

New title works perfectly, being a quarter Irish myself, I approve. Minor suggestion: the colon, not a full stop, keeps the flow of thought going. But I ain't no grammarian, so feel free to ignore. Alobar (Just my two cents, spend them on gum if you wish.)

Jonathan Moore

18 years ago

I'm Scotch - Irish myself

and when I was younger had the hair color to indicate it. I like the suggestion of the pause and decided to try out a ellipsis to give it that drifting feeling before the resolution. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)