killtime sonnet #17

The slope above the river has a path

Not lately marked by any human feet

A passing lane held empty for the fleet

Or those who would avoid mosquito wrath

The broader path through shaded leafy green

Invites the victims to mosquito beaks

And other things to make you itch for weeks

The fetid mud records where you have been.

The water there is nothing you would drink

To linger there is silly, don't you think?

The grimly merry hikers breast the thorns

Uncaring of the risk of sudden flood

To bring to needy insects human blood.

They're celebrating nature. Blow some horns!

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purplemoondoll

18 years ago

This has some good flow and

This has some good flow and rhythm although I felt some of the rhyme in the last line was a little forced. I dont know maybe it was the colon in the middle that felt a little awkward - see what you think. Apart from that I could see those mosquitos and the path - nice work :-) Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

Skumpfsklub

18 years ago

You betcha! Forced rhymes are commonplace in a killtime sonnet

They're written to kill time--this one had an e.t. of six minutes, as I recall, so it didn't actually kill a lot of time--and they're written in much the same way you fill in a crossword puzzle. You slap stuff down that fills the form--if a killtime sonnet DOESN'T have a forced rhyme in it, be amazed! They retain their 'killtime sonnet' and 'serial' until I get around to reworking them. Yeah, that line ending in 'flood' sucks, doesn't it? I should use 'mud,' which is already mentioned, in the revision. The last line, though, is the first line I wrote, an exact repetition of words I'd spoken just seconds before I sat down to write. By 'the killtime sonnet protocols,' I'm obliged to leave it exactly as it is. Well, maybe not. Substituting a period for the colon isn't exactly violence against speech, is it? Okay, let's try it your way.

Barbara Writes

18 years ago

Enjoyed

Smiles:) Barbara Reading this was good. Can see the path with mosquitoes around leading up to the river.