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In the Public Bathroom This Morning

Next to me, an old man, his fingers yellowed and brown.
I hear him wheeze,
Polypropylene serpent slithering to his nose
Supplying breath and life,
It seems more a leash to me, an unwanted restraint.

I wonder briefly at the path that brought him here
And am ashamed that I judge;
Ashamed for we all have our vices
And have made our mistakes.

We finish together and I hold open the door for him;
He graciously thanks me
And exits down the hall,
Cart-wheels squeaking,
Their mournful cry filling my hollowed-out soul.

I exit subdued and diminished.





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Country/Region: CAN

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poewriter58

18 years 1 month ago

alobar

I would do nothing to change this your last line just said it all Chrys
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Alobar

18 years 1 month ago

It’s just a little piece,

It's just a little piece, but I agree, complete. The one change I thought, was to split the final line as so: I exit subdued and diminished. Thanks for reading, as always.
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 1 month ago

mmm subdued and dimished?

perhaps your judgementalism diminished but your humanity grown. That's not a suggested change, just a personal comment. I presume the wheels of his cart were squeaking, not that he performed squeaking cartwheels down the hall? Don't mind me, even slight ambiguities take my head to some amusing and frightening places. cheers, Jess
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Alobar

18 years 1 month ago

I wrote the poem quickly

I wrote the poem quickly after seeing a man as described at work yesterday. It was only after I finished it that the cartwheeling-man-down-the-hall image struck me as well. I decided no one would find such a joke in a work of this mood; evidently however, there are other minds on the planet with the same uncontrollable and skewed humour as my own. Gets me in trouble all the time.