Sancho Panza's Comment

The difference between the lines (L11-ss and L11-pug) is subtle, and it's arguable that your edit is superior-- in keeping with the poisonously bitter tongue hiding beneath the blandly worshipful praise that is the 'cover' interpretation. I might use yours, after I reckon on whether the hesitancy that goes with comma brackets would tip the hand of the speaker, who is very careful to present an overtly 'loyal sidekick' image around the 'hero' he supports. (The poem was originally entitled 'Squire' and dedicated to 'the second banana, the sidekick, the straight man, the staff officer'). But the sidekick seethes with resentment easily heard by anyone privy to the experiences of being subordinated to an inferior. This is the nastiest sonnet I've ever written, and the one that I've written with the densest collection of ambiguities of grammar and semantics. Your point about the pace is understood. I have problems, still, when I READ the first two lines. That visual break between ''brow' and 'Not mine' jars me. In recitation, I've had no problem. It's very much 'speech in my mouth' and I might have erred in laying it out as a sonnet. On the other hand, that jarring break might 'bump' the 'truer interpretation' into a reader's consciousness, by elevating the short phrase 'Not mine' slightly. This poem matters to me. I sweat the fine details, and I'm often fretful about it. Indeed, I'm almost a poet about it. But it's probably just a statistical anomaly. Thanks for the critique.

The imagined tale behind the poem is mine when I read it; yours when you read it. Each reader brings a different imagining to this poem. The interpretation you reach is perfectly valid against that background you import as reader. Yes, this sonnet could be the public utterance of that squire with that set of attitudes. You made the sense of what I deliberately left ambiguous. I'm putting my trust in the reader with this one, where I generally go out of my way to reduce ambiguity to only that set of ambiguities I want entertained by readers. My own imagined subordinate is not lying when he says "It matters not that laurel crowns a brow," as my Sancho recognizes that public accolades are often empty--meaningless, certainly comparatively worthless against the simple 'Thanks, we couldn't have done this without your work,' that is what is sought. And the second line is also a true statement. Fame is a dangerous drug; my Sancho might have said instead (to a confidant) "I'll dodge a wide reputation when I can; it attracts unwanted risks." That 'fame eludes' is not a bad thing; my Sancho would evade fame. Imagine the tiniest hint of a sneer when 'fame' is spoken; now erase the sneer. My Sancho has a poker face, and a poker voice, capable of the facile lie. Is he smug in his superiority? Only to the extent that he is smugly certain that Fearless Leader will swallow the lie whole. The superior/inferior distinction is not absolute; it's a matter of specific skills and specific aspects of character and personality, and my Sancho has no difficulty with differences there. His exasperation comes of the failure of essentially everyone else to recognize that different situations call for different configurations of deference. The line 'You never had great use for me" laments that. Stress the word 'great' for my Sancho's primary concern: optimal use of all available talents without regard to their source. Similarly, each line in this sonnet has its set of possible spoken forms (with different phrasings, pauses, or emphases) each of which carries a true meaning--but the lines are delivered flatly, allowing Fearless Leader (inter alii) to hear what is first expected. In this, Sancho demonstrates only that he owns the more nuanced perspective and the more sinuous tongue. He might be enjoying it as a prank on a 'great noble dolt' for whom he actually has great affection--but not so much affection that he blinds himself to avoid admitting genuine weaknesses in the one with whom he has joined force. That it is a sonnet is an accident. This started as a 'killtime sonnet,' but I developed it further, accepting the challenge of the short strait form and the vast notion. Evidently, I've had to compromise my usual primary aim of clarity of notion ('message'), but I'm not unhappy with it so far.