Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

paul
paul
Apr 02, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Truth Of Life

  Of what reality do you speak?The one I know makes me weakMy pen stands like a soldier in saluteA voice within is sick of being left on mute The volume increases as it yells to us allIt says man stand for something or just fallMy veins are infected with the bitter truthThat we should hide away from today’s youthWith what heart do we tell our children the reality?That has most of us taking a pill to find the mentalityNeeded to comprehend the new war against terrorPen in my palm keeps writing paying no mind to errorHow could it stop when it has so much to expose this dayThe voice within will not be silenced as it lets the pain sayStories that never end to fellow citizens of the hell we liveHow quick we are to take and hesitant to humbly give To a cause that might stop the cold and bring in the smile As I hide my tears I watch joy admit that it won’t return in awhile 
— paul, Apr 02, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: New York, USA

Favorite Poets: Cavafi, Sylvia Plath and Neopoet as a whole.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Critiques

Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

18 years 2 months ago

Great poem

Sometimes we are fill with ideas, concerns we feel will make a difference, but then there's no one to listen or care to hear, so they remain to be apart of us, freed once put to poetry. Beautifully written. Smiles:) Barbara
L

LoveisNow

18 years 2 months ago

Good one

I like your poem. Its good to know people actually think in this way. This world is corrupt and we all search for some stability and security in it. The last two lines for me were a little choppy and did not completely flow, but other than that I liked.
Mark

Mark

18 years 2 months ago

Good Start

If I may say, Paul. There is alot of stuff going on here. You might think of the second line as a question? I really think there is room for this to sing. The 5th line is a little suggestive for me you might consider keeping it about you. I think that last line will be > for awhile < got it though. Then again it is your poem and your ideas :) Hope to be coming back, Mark
P

poewriter58

18 years 2 months ago

Paul

There seems to be an unevenness to the cadence of the poem you are saying so much perhaps break your thoughts with stanzas( which are not necesary but help) and are easy on the eyes . I have taken a lot of flack for advocating the use of stanzas but I still still bu my convictions however it is as Mark has stated your poem and bottom line is you have the last say Chrys
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 1 month ago

Stanzas

... can increase the power of a poem. They allow the reader a break between thoughts and the opportunity to soak up the words. The editing issue is going through and finding the breaks to make it sound right. You do have a lot going on here, but I get the general message. Finesse and editing polish a poem. Ronda
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

17 years 8 months ago

“It says man stand for

"It says man stand for something or just fall" - might you put a comma after 'says' and then put the rest thereafter in quotes to make it apparent that it's speaking? "How quick we are to take and hesitant to humbly give To a cause that might stop the cold and bring in the smile As I hide my tears I watch joy admit that it won’t return in awhile" - Excellent lines here. I'm impressed. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- - "Everyone needs believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer!" - "Constipated people don't give a shit..."
P

paparazii

17 years 4 months ago

With what heart do we tell our children the reality?

Well, i belive that few children of these days are aware of the destruction that was caused, it's just hard to live without getting exposed to some of the things now running the world, i once said to someome "All that is funny today, most of them are sins" but the thing is we can't lock our children indoors so as not to let them get involved in all these--. Touching words, loved it. pleasant nights and good days paparazii