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Withered Heart Bleeds



I’ve been laid low upon my bed
Like fire burning in the pit of my stomach    
You hurt me like no other
When you bruise the fruit from my womb

Reliving this pain keeps me on my knees
Can’t believe you could have done this
Ripping my love to pieces
The day my world fell apart

My love for you grew from nothing more sweetly
Blossoming into what we call passion
Is no more, just like a kite in the wind it’s gone let loose
That day you send my world crumbling down

There’s nothing more to say to make us whole again
Like a sword in a fierce battle we’re split into,
Not as one happy couple every one envied
No more trusting like before

Like a atom bomb on enemy territory
You destroyed like I never thought you would
My well of moans reaches the skies
No tears to shed, my Sahara meet it driest day

Mean words, cruel remarks spew like lava from my lips
Burning down the life we once had
Where love covered a multitude of sins
Only devastated dreams is what’s left aflame  

No matter the years that past us by
Never again will it be time
To make atonement in my spirit
Without the hope we once shared

I have let go of unhealthy hate
Take back my angry fiery rage
A better place call self-control
As I lay upon a bed of emotions

— Barbara Writes, Mar 31, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins, Shakespeare, , Emily Dickinson, , , Whitman, Jess Tapper

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Critiques

RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 2 months ago

Barbara

This poem carries strong emotions. One of the problems with emotional poetry is that it can get "wordy." There are places where words could be trimmed, leaving the statement intact and actually strengthening the emotion. Let me see if I can show you with the first stanza. Bear in mind, I am by no means rewriting your work for you, just offering a different view of it. "Laid low upon my bed, fire burning in the pit of my stomach You hurt me like no other When bruising the fruit from my womb" Even that isn't a perfect example, but perhaps it helps convey my thoughts. See what you think. Also, check your title. Do you want Tear Drops on a Withered Heart? ~ Ronda
Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

18 years 2 months ago

Thank Ronda

Barbara Writes

I really appreciate your thoughts on this. Was letting go of words to express what I feel thanks for helping me make them work better

RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 2 months ago

You are welcome

I appreciate the fact that you took the time to consider my suggestions. We all have those moments when the words just spill out to expunge ourselves of the emotion. It's the going back later and working them out that is also therapeutic. Ronda
Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

18 years 2 months ago

Therapeutic

Barbara Writes

Yes true for me. After reading "Desperation in D minor " and all the loving comments, It got harder and harder to to deal with like fires of emotions in my stomach. Admitting to be a victim was too much. I still can't share it, but letting go of the emotion in poetry released me. Try to write about it before now, but couldn't express in words. Neopoet members help me to share what I am comfortable with in poetry with all the support to make poetry writing better. Smiles:) Barbara