killtime sonnet #20

And my favourite is: "But stifles sense that rests on borrowed should" Just because of what and how it is said. Overall, though, the poem is a bit disjointed and I agree that it is more than salvageable. If you have the inclination, I'd love to see a re-write, smoothing out the narrative and bridging the theme into, if you'll forgive the phrase, sharper focus. Specifically, although I believe I know what you're saying with the following lines, they lack the drive and force of much of the rest of the poem: "The end foreseen, the close approach to good, The given worth from silent female side," As for the overall message of the poem, I'd rather see an artist who had the courage to doubt their gift than one convinced they can do no wrong. Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

very honestly. I applaude you. It is true all your work I have read is very left brain. As clever, poetic, creative and artistic as left brain work can simulate. Aye, there's the rub, simulate. Face it man, without that other half, neurosymptomatic or guesswork, you are just very, very clever. Jess

so very salvageable. It was only after 30 years of more or less sensible living that I suddenly woke up to trusting intuition for what it is, a feeling-based amazing---often global/universal---insight. And of course therefore quite knowledgeable in its own right. Such incredibly rich material lies there for exploring/revealing/reflecting in poetry. A part of us so fears truth; another part sees her quite clearly. It makes sense to my logical part that the fearing part (itself, apparently) would much of the time keep a blind eye turned toward the seeing part. Yours, Chuck

combos: as in razor view, borrowed should, arid pride, reason’s tool, clever arts. Thanx, Chuck

As I'd mentioned in the review in which I did not include a rating, because I suck at remembering to rate poems, this piece has good imagery but has a slow start. the poem picks up focus and intent around the middle and carries that to the end but the first four (4) lines seem connected to but not actually part of the rest of the poem meaning that they share a similar content and establishment of theme but do not flow naturally Were I to go back to this I would concentrate on the first four (4) lines and see how they might be smoothed out and intensified. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)