Madness

well when I find a place to look they call it withdrawl. In ink, Dabbler

Hi Lacy. So you want me to be rough? lol. Well naturally I enjoyed it and it is a powerful insight into the world of a disturbed mind that most can never sense, let alone understand. How could it be improved? Well the rhythm breaks down in places so i will try and illustrate where you might consider making some changes. I also felt that the opening did not quite grab you as strongly as it might (the "right side up" and "round and round" were rather cliched and just did not grab me by the balls, so to speak). I was may be expecting something like: "Dragged inside out, turned upside down, my dizzy world spins me around" then i think it might flow better as: "which way is up which way is down" "at least never heard" could flow better as "not one that's heard" "voices, and tears" might actually be better and achieve more emphasis as "voices, tears" then again to help the flow: "manifesting all your fears" Finally, with the last line you might try leaving out "I" since to me at least it just runs more smoothly that way. Well you did ask for my comments and suggestions Lacy and they are of course just my take on things. I hope at least you find some of them useful. Keith

This Poem was short and sweet. It got the point across and though the point was to feel your madness, it made me smile because I completely understood. I liked the wording and the rhyming made it flow for me. TOVE (good in hebrew :) )