Journey To A Kiss

The ending wasn't at all what I expected and it seemed rather abrupt and more like dirrections. I don't think it fit the rest of the poem which was lightly erotic and meandering. I liked the title and the subject matter. Always, Cat

You left me hanging.... That was it? Apply kiss? See being a woman a man has to make the kiss the best part after all the heightened eroticism. Thats like lighting a firework only for it to be a dud. You had me all the way to the end....Please work on it....this poem could work out for the good! ::SMILE::

I'll second LoveIsNow's comment. If your target audience is a woman, you have to supply her many wants. And that means kissing, caressing, occasional words and long-held looks, and a whole bunch of other sensual junk couched in a manner (ho! ho! bad pun!) such that from your words she can recall her own pertinent experientials. Girls writing this kind of stuff will go on for PAGES, not realizing that her masculine reader is skipping ahead to 'the good stuff.' I enjoy the sexual travelogue, the journey over a womanly terrain, as much as the next guy does. Put this poem in the past tense, add the first line, "Well, Freddy, it went like this:" and you have the masculine reading, a good 'sexy interlude poem' for guys from a guy, best told in a place where men stand up while they drink. Guys appreciate technique presented sparely and elegantly, which your poem supplies as it stands now For the feminine reading, you gotta drag in the botanist, the perfumer, the musician, and anything else you can think of. Girls like a lot of detail, from a lot of angles. E.g., Brushing that belly, 'my fingertips relish downy resistance of insistent hair that springs, a shapely puff of copper, between long thighs once tensed hard against my touch, but now relaxed and softly warm', and the word 'belly' is avoided altogether. (Women react unpredictably to that word.) Girls have a different sense of place than men do, too; they want Here-Now in considerable detail if it's mentioned at all--that's more evident in their erotic prose than in their poetry--and they do not seem especially pleased by the 'interesting features of the march' approach to erotic narrative. I generalize, of course. There are terse female erotic poets. And secretive. And obscurantist. And minimalist. And nutty. But most, by my tallies, want rich details lavishly supplied. Especially kissy crap. .

I swear that I commented on this last night...? was it deleted or am I insane?? fragile things: take flight!

I can not write sex. I've tried and it always ends in premature ejaculation. I normally don't like reading or watching it either, not a moral view, it's just that it's them, not me, why would I be interested? But this works, bloody well done! Don't like the lines "Finally To your mouth Which I enter And we mingle" Is a bit shy or instructional. Maybe it's the word mingle, which is a bit shallow, like mingling at a party. All in all a brave and good piece. cheers, Jess

For this to be a new writing subject, it works. As a female, I've wrote sex, read sex, had, watched and all that other good stuff that I shouldn't go into detail about, but yeah, girls like description. We want to hear everything, so to speak, so yeah the ending was abrupt. And "entering the mouth to mingle" was awkward and left me with the wrong image. Do not mingle in there, as weirdelf mentions.

is just as informative He-rotica (if you read some of Meic's peoms is a area to look into a good enterance to the romantic theme. In ink, dabbler

"YOU BEG IN SILENCE" I absolutely love it! I have been there many a time! I love your changes! Its complete! Great!