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Pugilist
Pugilist
Mar 27, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Each Day I Rise and Count the Sun

Each day I rise and count the sun,
To be certain, there’s still just one,
And collect my thoughts, silently,
And dress and journey off to see
The never ending pilgrims file
Along the Crystal Bridge and while
They stop and stare and gird their hope
They never step faith on that slope
And never cross to Paradise
Though it will beckon and entice
And call with sweet and loving praise
They are immune to the displays
Of all they’ve hoped and searched and sought,
Avoiding all they’ve deftly wrought,
Instead they gaze with blinded eyes
Convinced reality is lies
And shake their heads and turn away
Sure to return some future day.
Though I’m certain, there’s still just one,
Each day I rise and count the sun
— Pugilist, Mar 27, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Jacksonville area, FL, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Keats, Kipling, Carroll, Yeats, Tolkien, Shakespeare

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Critiques

A

Alobar

18 years 2 months ago

I hear echoes of Bob

I hear echoes of Bob Dylan's All Along the Watchtower in the theme behind this lovely work. My only comment is the second line: I stumble ever-so-slightly on the word "there's," is it just me? Otherwise, flawless.
Jonathan Moore

Jonathan Moore

18 years 2 months ago

Thanks for the review

I took a look a the second line and it's relation to the second to last line, wondering why it did not cause a pause as well. Reading it conversationally finally gave me the clue. In my read, I am putting a pause between the word "certain" and "there." The problem is that I'd not included that pause in the poem itself. I went back and put a comma between the words in question. If you'd let me know if this eases the stumble or if it still feels forced, I would appreciate it. If it's still a stumble point I will dig deeper. Thanks again for the review and comments, they are greatly appreciated.
A

Alobar

18 years 2 months ago

Yeah, I think that does it.

Yeah, I think that does it. It was just a tiny thing. Quite liked this one. Interesting to see you not using the verse structures like you so often do. One firm statement. The thumb, it points upward.
S

Sambpoet

18 years 2 months ago

EACH DAY I RISE...

Pugilist, A very finely crafted poem! Kudos! No unnecessary words, clear imagery--what more can I say!
P

poewriter58

18 years 2 months ago

Two ands in a row almost a

Two ands in a row almost a stutter searched and sought do they not have the same meaning? you have a nice light way of writing very relaxing Chrys