Frost Smith

Mar 25, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Life long patterns

The long look within reveals

A hideous creature who steals

The hearts and minds of fragile victims

Contorted thoughts told me it’s just a symptom

These convincing charades that repeatedly play out

Ever suffering the missteps like a deranged count

Remotely holed up in an isolated tower within

Never knew that pure intentions could lead to a real sin

Feeling disgusted

How did I end up here one more time?

Been here so often

Wish I had a dime

I could buy the hope diamond if that were the case

There is no point it’s a futile chase

They say trying is dying

In time I will forget my crying

Will be right back where I started

Off to the races like the faithfully departed

— Frost Smith, Mar 25, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Critiques

LadyTheresa

56 years 5 months ago

I am not sure

what message you are conveying here, excuse my ignorance...could use some corrections of misspelled words and a bit of editing- but good basics... LadyTheresa I think it's about addictions??? Can you tell me what this is about please?

Frost Smith

18 years 2 months ago

ladytheresa...

Having been clean & sober for a period of time now it is no longer just about not using; that where it begins and continues, but its about living life; something I am learning. The diease manifest itself in other areas; the alcoholic mind, if you do what you have always done; then you will get what you always got. Been looking back at my distant and reacent history; don't like what I see. Thank you for your suggestion; I did two rounds of edits Frost

RSScheerer

18 years 2 months ago

Hey, Frost

This does ring of addiction to me. Addiction comes in many forms, but the definition upon the soul is always the same. I'm learning to let a lot of spelling errors go by the wayside, but when they interfere with the meaning of a line I still feel the need to point them out. Suggestions: The title - patterns First line - "long look with within" - should it be "within" minus the "with?" "Remotely hold" - thinking you mean "holed" "Been here so much" - suggestion "often" in place of "much" - or even "so many times" "The is no point" - "there" Strong write filled with raw truth, Frost. ~ Ronda

RSScheerer

18 years 2 months ago

Nicely done, Frost

~ Ronda

Frost Smith

18 years 2 months ago

Thank you Ronda...

this is what I call a fever write; just getting it out on paper, not that I was the best speller to begin with; appriciate your suggestions Frost

LadyTheresa

56 years 5 months ago

so much better

Frost- you have a diamond that just neded a bit of polishing.... LadyTheresa :-)

Frost Smith

18 years 2 months ago

ladytheresa ...

Thank you Frost

Alobar

18 years 2 months ago

I found your poem came out

I found your poem came out like vomit, and I think that is what you intended. No punctuation 'sides the errant rhyme--most excellent! Beyond addiction, as noted above, I saw a man facing the demons that created his addiction in the first place. Maybe created is not the right word though, maybe allowed. And I don't mean TV and society. I mean inside. I mean weakness. And make no mistake, weakness is a ferocious warrior. Your poem however, shows you are battling him well. Here's hoping that come next week you can't afford even a cup of coffee, 'cause all those dimes stop arriving, there being no call for such currency anymore.

Frost Smith

18 years 2 months ago

Alobar...

If it came out like vomit then I was succusseful; its like if I didn't get this on paper I was gong to implode, urgency has its way of being brutally raw. Facing my demons is excatly on point; going to be for some time; once I deal with them hopefully my experience can help others; right now I am just getting another day and holding on tight, so tired of doing the samething in different ways but always ending up with the same result. thank you Frost

whitetea

18 years ago

>

your work has a upfront honest quality to it, its a healing thing for me to read.