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Candlewitch
Candlewitch
Mar 23, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

senryu: lost highway

senryu: lost highway
by: c.m.m.

spider vein footpaths
natural age forged highway
going nowhere fast


— Candlewitch, Mar 23, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more., Candlewitch

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Critiques

professor

professor

18 years 2 months ago

Pithy

Very pithy and thought provoking as always Cat. As already suggested the second line is the weak one. The key word you should consider changing is "natural". Perhaps you need some evocative that depicts ageing metal or tarmac. I can suggest some words of course but then you would not want to use them so I leave it to you. Keith
A

Alobar

18 years 2 months ago

One of those little bits in

One of those little bits in time that you can think on, chew on and come up with so much. One reading for me was an aged body, varicose veins (naturally aged) upon the legs. Another showed me cracked dessert, baked in the sun to the point of breaking. A third just a map, more literal. And that was just imagery. When you apply the poem to what is going on inside, in the mind and soul and heart, there are many a highway indeed. Thank you for this lovely poem.
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Thank you Alobar

for applying your keen mind to my poem. You seem to see things from several angles, what a wonderful gift to have. Always, Cat
P

poewriter58

18 years 2 months ago

Cat

You have gotten to know me far to well lol well done Chrys
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Just a little something we

Just a little something we all come to know, sooner or later, LOL! Always, Cat p.s. see what a little champagne does to me? All of a sudden I think I can write!
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 2 months ago

Nice Senryu, Cat

A little champagne? "Think" you can write? LOL! I've known you long enough to KNOW you can write, and this just proves it again. ~ Ronda
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

LOL, Ronda

I don't often write haiku or Senryu, but I must admit senryu is the easier of the two for me to write. Always, Cat
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Hi Asjay!

A senryu is similar to a haiku. A haiku is about nature while a senryu is about people or something personal. Thanks for reading! Always Cat
Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

18 years 2 months ago

Learn something new

Barbara Writes this type of writing is new to me. I will research for more understanding, so I can enjoy and comment on them more. I had no comment because i didn't know this type of writing, senryu or haiku.
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

I looked up haiku in my Dictionary

This is what it had to say about Haiku: hai·ku [h? k?] (plural hai·ku) noun short Japanese poem: a form of Japanese poetry with 17 syllables in three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables, often describing nature or a season. Encarta® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1999,2000 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved. Developed for Microsoft by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc. Senryu is structured the same but is personal or about people. Thanks for writing, Always, Cat
P

purplemoondoll

18 years 2 months ago

spider vein footpaths. This

spider vein footpaths. This is a wonderful expression and a very well written senryu. So much imagery in so few lines. It 'took me there'. :-) Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
KN

Kieran Nelson

18 years 2 months ago

The first and 3rd lines were

The first and 3rd lines were awesome, I didn't really feel line 2 as such. Not that it wasn't great, it was, I just think it could be better. It feels a little too abstract. Kieran "Mind, how you go!" - Roger McGough's poem for LSD Awareness Week
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Thanks Kieran,

So far I can't think of a better way to say it. If you get any ideas, let me know. Always, Cat
O

orgami

18 years 2 months ago

hi way

lovely poem dont change anything gorgeous simplicity! O