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C
Calliope
Mar 23, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Lured



The darkness envelopes
like a lovers embrace
the shadows' caress
soft upon my face
we melt into the night
like snow on a sunny day
careful not to frighten
our victims away
moths to a flame
our prey flutters by
blissfully ignorant
their fate is to die
in the throes of death
by the bite of the fire
lured by the warmth
of their own funereal pyre

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Region, Country: New York, USA

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Comments

Mark

Mark

18 years 1 month ago

The Images going through my mind

at the end of this poem are scarry ! Very well done on that. I'm not sure if whispering this works :( Not sure caps will work with the short lines either. Maybe try it with caps and se how it looks and feels for you? Nice work, Mark
professor

professor

18 years 1 month ago

We are all attracted to the flames

Hi Lacy, this is something of a classical image of helpless and fatal attraction but I still like the way you have portrayed it here. It has a decidedly predatory tone. Not sure about whether the image of the fire biting works for me...perhaps "tongues of the fire"? There were some spellings/typos so i have just pasted a corrected version below...Keith the darkness envelops like a lover's embrace the shadows’ caress soft upon my face we melt into the night like snow on a sunny day careful not to frighten our victims away moths to a flame our prey flutters by blissfully ignorant their fate is to die in the throes of death by the bite of the fire lured by the warmth of their own funeral pyre.
C

Calliope

18 years 1 month ago

thanx proff

I was in a hurry when I posted so I didn't spell check.Also the line: we melt into the night like snow on a sunny day careful not to frighten our victims away I had another verse different but didn't know if it flowed .Will you tell me what you think? we melt into the shadows like snow on a sunny day we are the snow night is our day Please let me know which you like better.Also it was supposed to be in italics but it didn't show up when posted. Lacy, Where power corrupts,poetry cleanses.
C

Calliope

18 years 1 month ago

thanx

i needed the confirmation.i appreciate it.it started out as the first but i thought something was wrong and changed it.guess it was the right choice. thanx Lacy, Where power corrupts,poetry cleanses.
asiajy

asiajy

18 years 1 month ago

Wow

Lovely and dark. Very nice. Also the first verse you picked makes more sense than the second one. Made the right decision. Keep up the good work.
Mark

Mark

18 years ago

back

I just re-read this, Lacy. Baam! I love it. How they sort of fly by and then are gone. Kinda sad huh? But if they stayed I think that would be euphoria or oblivion or someting there lol Besides, aint it nice when the come by once again ;) Nice ! Mark