What Fevers Wrought

Again I saw the sky clasp dread.
Again I felt the fear.
Again I saw the land slither
As Tragedy crept near.

Alone I stood before the fear.
Alone I faced the blight.
Alone I felt my heart wither
As Hope trickled from sight.

Aghast I fought beyond the blight.
Aghast I stilled my soul.
Aghast I held my courage close
As Panic swept control.

And now I gaze upon my soul.
And now I feel the dread.
And now I find I can't oppose
As Dreams have all been shed.

— Pugilist, Mar 18, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Jacksonville area, FL, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Keats, Kipling, Carroll, Yeats, Tolkien, Shakespeare

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Critiques

Alobar

18 years 2 months ago

The poem is deceptive, it is

The poem is deceptive, it is so easy to read, so light in flow. But it's describing horrors (if only imagined) and you don't--or at least I didn't--catch them, fully, until second or third read. The key word--and a Great word, I might add--is "Aghast," to really feel the depths of the fear, the confusion and the terror the speaker feels in the depths of their fever (I think of the phrase "night-terrors," did you intend for that?)

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

This poem reminds me of a

This poem reminds me of a nightmare I once had, and still cannot forget because it felt so real. It gave me a prickly raw feeling as I read it. Good work! Always, Cat

Jonathan Moore

18 years 2 months ago

Thanks for the comments

I was trying to get across a nightmarish feeling through imagery and word choice and it seems as if i was successful with you folks. I chose the word "Aghast" with care and am glad it's full meaning came through. In another forum, my use of that word was questioned but I believed it important for a progression in the nightmare from start, to realization, to terror, to resolution. The rhyme scheme is as follows: A B C B B D C D D E F E E A F A With an added twist that the end word of the 2nd line of every stanza becomes the end word of the 1st line of the following stanza, including the last if you loop back to the 1st stanza. The declining meter (8-6-8-6) was used to impart a breathlessness to the read. This is one of the most complicated schemes I've designed but I am pleased with it even if I never revisit again

Skumpfsklub

18 years 2 months ago

A petty quibble, just to say hello

'slither' and 'quiver' gives you little rhythmic falterings. Since the words there are not governed by the rhyme scheme, I wonder how you reached the decision to go with these trochaic words that are meet with content but out-of-step with the otherwise very strong rhythm. Is it as simple as that? I wouldn't have no argument against that, were it so. Poet's will be done. But I find myself rummaging around in my skull seeking iambic equivalents for 'slither' and 'quiver,' hoping to find a pair such that the beat would be perfectly consistent throughout the piece.

Jonathan Moore

18 years 2 months ago

This is one of the reasons I am a member of this community

Where else am I going to find people to nitpick word choices and force me to lose my 'southern' ear that makes me believe certain words rhyme. I'd never noticed, until you brought it to my attention, that I'd once again softened two unassociated words into rhyming. And, as a matter or course, being forced to return to the poem and search for a cleaner match also forced me into a better word choice for the feeling I was trying to create. So thanks and let me know what you think about the change.