Badly Needed Shoes

I like the line but felt 'a cliche question comes to my mind' may work better instead? just a suggestion - 'that' doesnt seem to fit - I dont know why. I dont know, I love the theme and I love the question - it just doesnt seem finished at the moment. See what you think? Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

Such a compassionate piece. There is no one on the planet who can deny that. Fine work. I must ask though about the use of the word 'sole;' do you feel it is over-used in the poem or are you happy with it? I assume you gave it--repeated three times, twice in the last three lines--considerable thought, and I imagine its homophonous nature had a lot to do with its choice, but I still feel compelled to ask: three times, too much? It is merely a question.

I really enjoy this poem, in both forms. As I said, it's compassion rings so true and uncontrived. The picture is just there, in front of the reader, and everyone, absolutely everyone feels the same thing, the same hurt in their soul. Truly masterful. Of course though, I can't just offer praise and not nitpick at bit, that wouldn't be right. This version has "step" and "steps" in two lines at the end, and this causes a problem in the read, the flow, I think. I was thinking maybe something like things to discourage bold steps how lightly, cautiously they must move over thorn covered grounds As always, just a suggestion. Wonderful poem, truly exceptional. I look forward to reading your work, always.

No more red ink. A beautiful and, as Alobar says, compassionate poem. Ok, one teensy weensy niggle, it's a bad habit of yours, mate, always forgetting the space after commas. I've got to say, David, you embody the spirit of this site in the work you do before and after posting and your generous consideration of feedback. cheers, Jess

Granted, it's not the standout part of the poem but I give people such a hard time about the use of ellipsis that I love to be able to highlight when it's done correctly as you've done to indicate a trailing thought. Others have given and you have implemented corrections to really make this piece shine. An excellent job all around and I applaud your initial concept and the commenters who felt comfortable enough to offer suggestions you reviewed and then used to make your poem better. As Jess said, this is what Neopoet is all about. And as everyone already said everything there was to say, I commented on the ellipsis. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

just wanted to tell you what a great piece this is.. and get my vote in.. Richard

This is one of your best, I think Box! Nicely written and so painful Food for thought, for sure. I know you didn't ask for a suggestion for a title, but I think it could use something more emotional just a thought.