unnatural

Cynicism sets in for a while,
leaves. It is about that
time of year
Except I notice the colors are brighter.

Every way I look at it

I am only an animal

a jointed
organism
pumping oxygen,
boiling blood

Days cluster together,
I am looking past myself
and still

there is nothing
outside of the window.

— whitetea, Mar 17, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Chrystos, Mark Strand, Adrienne Rich, Naomi Shihab Nye, Rachel M. Simon, Donald Justice, Mary Oliver, Nikki Giovanni, Alice Walker, Bukowski, Mary Lambert

Critiques

Kieran Nelson

18 years 2 months ago

Frankly I didn’t think you

Frankly I didn't think you were really saying much in this poem. Also, the abstract nature seems somewhat forced, although that may just be my taste. Lastly, I don't see the reason for the form you've laid it out in. In my opinion if you can't get your message across in the simplest way, then maybe you should think about what your trying to say. Sorry if that's a little harsh, I look forward to more of our work. Kieran "Mind, how you go!" - Roger McGough's poem for LSD Awareness Week

pinksheep

18 years 2 months ago

To

me this was a subject difficult to write about and you wrote this cleverly in poetry-i wish i could do this sort of thing-true regards Lesley