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Candlewitch
Candlewitch
Mar 14, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Delicate (updated)

 

 

 

Delicate

by: c.m.m.

 

Love ending...

 

stands leaning and wilted

like a lily gilded,

awkward and stilted...

 

Love dying...

 

lies in a heap,

defeated and flaccid

unable to weep...

 

Heart healing...

 

is timorous and shy

wanting to love

yet afraid to try...


— Candlewitch, Mar 14, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more., Candlewitch

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Critiques

EA

eric ashford

18 years 2 months ago

Cat,I think this would work

Cat, I think this would work better as a much shorter poem. Like this--- Love dying… lies defeated unable to weep… Heart healing… timorous and shy wanting to love yet afraid to try… The lack of rhymn in the first stanza does not bother me as I like that effect. Just my personal suggestion please ignore utterly if you wish :-) Regards eric
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Oh oh, I’m in trouble… I

Oh oh, I'm in trouble... I like your version too. As I said, I'm not a great rhymer and this was one of the better of my rhymed poems. LOL! Let me think on it for awhile :) Always, Cat
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Thanks Janice

Your opinion is important to me, too. Love hearing (reading) from you! Always, Cat
dhruv

dhruv

18 years 2 months ago

very promising

it is my personal belief that the effect of this same poem can be increased manyfolds if the spacing between the lines was improved. Like such: " Love ending… stands leaning and wilted; like a lily gilded, awkward and stilted…; Love dying… lies in a heap; defeated and flaccid, unable to weep…; Heart healing… is timorous and shy; wanting to love, yet afraid to try… " i don't know how much sense what i said actually makes, but it makes it a much better read, for me at least. well written, waiting to see more of you!
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Thanks!

You make perfect sense. Now let's see if I can implement your suggestion without messing it up, LOL! Thank you for reading and for your helpful suggestions! Always, Cat