The Wind

I hear a piano playing

Distantly

On this cold January night

There are no words

Just music

The fire gives only light

Brandy warms me falsely

Candle lights my path

We all, I feel tonight

Cannot escape the reaper’s wrath

And then I smile

For we all too

Have lives to live all our own

Inside that finite, lonely time

Our passions eclipse flesh and bone

In that I see, is meaning

Comfort in the blackness

The feeling of a cool breeze

On a hot day blowing past us.

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: CAN

Comments

Candlewitch

18 years 1 month ago

Not being a greater poet

Not being a greater poet than yourself, do I dare to comment? I dare... I think that you don't need the "ands" at the beginning of the lines. I have no other suggestions because the piece on a whole is fantastic. Favorite line: "Our passions eclipse flesh and bone" Cat

RSScheerer

18 years 1 month ago

No ridicule here

You've done quite well with a style you're not accustomed to using. I'd have to agree with Cat regarding the use of "and." I know that it's helping you keep your rhythm within the structure, but it can seem redundant. The only other suggestion I have is small, "and candle lights my path" needs an "a" or a "the" - perhaps even "candlelight." Mere suggestions, of course. ~ Ronda

Alobar

18 years 1 month ago

Went through it without the

Went through it without the ands, AND I think I agree, with the exception of the one at the beginning of the second stanza. It belongs. Thanks. As to the candle, it I will keep. I wrote it that way to make one pause upon reading; hopefully then, upon reflection, and if you hadn't caught on already, the reader will realize the path is mental, I am sitting in a chair. Then the next line "We all, I feel tonight cannot escape the reaper's wrath" will be understood as a man simply sitting alone at night contemplating mortality--his own, loved ones', and humanity's in general--and the poem won't get lumped into the massive pile of dark poems about young men fleeing evil and slaughter and on and on. This poem is cerebral, not fantastic, as I think you both have divined.

RSScheerer

18 years 1 month ago

Very good

An intelligent explanation and a willingness to accept some suggestions and argue your reasoning for refusing others. The site needs more poets of your caliber, as we should all realize that no one is infallible. Thank you for taking the time to consider my comment. ~ Ronda