Perseverance

What has got ya in this way Frost? You are so infuriated here and man I really don't hmmm exasperated? Is this it, I think so. A few questions and ya don't have to answer of course. Who came too late and what were the lessons taught they came late with? Man this poem tears ass, I mean it really rips - it is one freakin mad write! Mark

Good God man anger as I have never seen descriptive to a fault and your alliteration is spot on the only thing I might suggest here is this one line Ever collecting guilty grain of sand weighs heavy upon me now wouldn't this work better Ever collecting guilty grains of sand weighing heavy upon me now Just a thought Chrys

those places where things conspire against us...places we sadly are not yet leaving. In ink, Dabbler

i felt very powerless when reading your work here.but yet i have felt in some ways felt the very same way but didd't know how do word it,then i found myself just wanting to hold you to ease the pain,who am i to think that i could do anything to ease your suffering,i am no one.but someone that cares and feels she needs to.

Crazy thoughts are like infected pus juice washing them down As Dabbler says it tears the veil.This is an uncomfortable ride but man this is brilliant poem. Kudos my friend.:-) The alliteration really works for me- it reads like you are almost spitting the angry words out and adds power. Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

Ironic but cool. It shows true evolution with the story - lol albeit unintentional! Congratulations! Spotlight and Evolution in one day - way to go! Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

Smiles:) Barbara Speechless Hope to see you when your stormy days are gone And your sunny days are as smiles on your face and the pleasure of your heart is before you

Shit.. I apoligise for missing this one.... this is one that needs to be read out loud... power.. excellent write.. Richard

The anger and frustration here are raw and in-your-face undeniable. Your alliteration does work, because it bears the staccato notes of sharply spoken words. The only thing I might suggest is a change in the line "Swallowed just like my no longer existing pride" as it stumbles a bit. Perhaps "Swallowed like my expired pride" My only suggestion. There is nothing else I can offer this emotive piece. Best, Ronda

Wow! Such a venomous seething angst filled poem. It is like watching you be skinned alive, I can almost feel your anguish. I think this is a very effective poem in expressing these torturous feelings and I applaud you for being able to put them on paper. This is exceptional work and I can tell you spent a great deal of time fine-tuning it. Overall, one criticism I have is the tense changing so much. I am a believer- the more things you can say in present tense the better - because for the small amount of time you have to share your feelings with the reader - you want them to feel it NOW, unless you are describing something that has happened in the past - in this case, it appears it is happening to you NOW - so, maybe look at verb tense a bit. Teeth mushed away from days already survived ("mushed" is an awkward word here - I wonder how "gnashed" would work) Crazy thoughts are like infected pus juice washing them down (there needs to be some kind of break between pus and juice) also, what juice? pus juice? orange juice? - how about "sweat" instead of juice If you meant "pus juice", I'd take out the word "like") Poignant promises probably passed perception pausing post-maturely ( don't think you need the word probably - it weakens it, but I do like the machine-gun alliteration) Sweltering heat brings to a broil (brings what to a boil - you? - maybe brings "me" to a boil) Like a tourist in a cannibals pot (my favorite line!) They come too late the lessons taught (great ending - I'd move "these lessons taught" to a separate line - to emphasize them and allow them to sting at the end) This is a great poem - take or leave my suggestions - that is up to you. I hope my microscopic view doesn't annoy you or make you feel I do not like your work, because I DO LIKE IT!

Wow, this is the cold and hard truth like your "name". I think we all feel that way at one time or another, but to see the exact feelings written down is awesome!! Anger fuels our life at different points. Taking the upper hand is whats hard, so is not to fall into bemoaning our plight. Excellent write, Kudos to you! Thanks" Eddie

there is a beauty in such torture you know, that beauty is named 'Perseverance'... momma said 'she's a tough old bitch but she'll bring ya out the other side' and I have to say there is one lesson I've learned from my own journey and that is they always come to late...awesome write!!! <3 Emarie "For every shadow, no matter it's depth, is threatened by the morning's light..."

I cannot believe I´ve missed this one. It is indeed powerful, felt like a fist punching the guts...What struck me when I read this was the feeling that you were fighting a fight you perceived as futile at the time. I do hope you persevered, as your title suggests, and have finally succeeded in beating your demons down. Regards, ID