Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Lover's Wasteland (Updated)

 

He loved the thought of her.

she was born in his mind,

of simple dimensions she was cast.

His life was a lonely climb

from the valleys of his youth,

across the sleeping prairies

of his hunter days.

He followed the call of instinct,

cresting on the tide of
 
the heat seeking missile of his loins,

through faceless anonymity,

a sea of meaningless encounters

oceans of one night stands.

Giving silent witness to his bachelorhood,

his contemporaries fell by the way,

one by one taken to the marriage bed

fallen soldiers victims of feminine prey.

(And) no one could tell him
 
that he only loved the thought of her
 
the image he carried in his head...


— Candlewitch, Mar 12, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more., Candlewitch

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Critiques

EA

eric ashford

18 years 2 months ago

Some interesting writing

Some interesting writing here. It got my attention. I think you need to cut "verdant' from L5 and "soulless" from L6. Suggest you don't need "crazed" before "basic instincts" the term implies a biological imperitive and wildness already. Not sure about the title, for me it does not highlight the poem enough. Good theme. Good poem All the best eric
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Thank you Eric,

I feel that you are right on all counts. How about "Lover's Wasteland" for a title? Always, Cat
A

abrelosojos

18 years 2 months ago

Beautifully written. Sorry I

Beautifully written. Sorry I dont have any suggestions. Don't forget me --I won't remember anything else.
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Thank you

Thank you for reading and commenting. I think I am going to go with "Lover's Wasteland" for the title, my title before that was "Love Lite..." pretty bad, huh? LOL! Always, Cat
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Hi Gary,

Thanks for reading and critiquing my poem "Lover's Wasteland." It is always so nice to hear from you. Take care and be well, Cat
professor

professor

18 years 2 months ago

Carrying a candle

I think this now really works well Cat and have no suggestions for you...and of course I like it too. Carrying the candle for considered perfection thoughout your life can lead to a profilgate strategy that is true. And yes time has a nasty habit of improving your estimate of that perfection so no one else stands any chance of matching let alone excelling it. We always exaggerate the qualities of those we love who are real but seem to do so even more for those we imagine loving. lol. Keith
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

18 years 2 months ago

Hi Keith

You seem to understand the guts of this poem. I had some help from Eric in cutting a couple of superfluous words, and he inspired me to reach a little deeper for the title. Glad you liked this one, Always, Cat