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The Immortal Angel

As a white feather fell from the sky
Like a wave it just bought tears to his eyes
A long time had passed, yes, but his wounds were still fresh
He couldn't believe how soon his life had become a mess
But it was over now, he was going to reunite
He smiled; he knew they had won this fight
He flapped his wings, and disappeared into the night

There once lived an angel, an angel so sweet
That whenever she walked down the street
Doves used to clatter, peacocks used to stare
A beauty like such could be found nowhere
She was in love with a guy, a guy like no other
They were perfect together; god had made them for each other
He used to get her flowers every time he came
She used to run outside at the sound of his name
Little did he know that his flowers would soon decay
He never dreamt that he would see such a day
He long prayed to his god, for his love to forever last
But god knew better, and he was left aghast
He went to sleep in a world that he had thought to be heaven
He couldn't wait to wake up, and see his angel again
He woke up with a start, to an astounding pain
He got up to his feet, and looked up in vain
He knew this was the day, when it would all go away
But he could not let go, he had so much to say
His angel was leaving for heaven today

He reached the evergreen orchid, which used to be too bright
It had lost its color, and was now pale white
He saw his angel, standing far away
He broke into a run, his heart immersed to pray
He reached his angel and saw she now had wings to fly
He could not take the pain, a tear slipped his eye
"I love you, my angel, I'll love you forever
You shall always live in my heart; I won't let you die, no, never
I cannot believe this is happening to me
But as long as I'm alive, my angel you'll be"
He held her hand like he never did before
He wanted to be with her, nothing more
She could read his pain in his eyes
Seeing him cry was no surprise
Whatever he could do would not affect reality
He knew, pretty soon, his angel would leave for eternity

She lifted her hand and bought it near
She stroked his hair and wiped his tear
He looked into her eyes; his eyes were filled with fear
She knew what she had to do here
She held him by his arms, lifted him up high
Till he stood up straight, till they were eye-to-eye
He saw no fear in her eyes, her eyes were crystal clear
He knew not how, he let slip another tear
The angel had turned pure, her time had now come
From a girl to a true angel she had now become
She said not a word; her breath to him was eternity
Her eyes seemed to show that she was finally free
He felt her lips burn into his own
A kiss could comfort him so, he had never known
He felt no lust, but warmth inside
He felt his passion dissolve with his long-broken pride
She hugged him close, but not said even a word
Her wings a shade of white which seemed quite absurd
Even in such a moment, she made him believe
He looked petrified, but she seemed relieved
Just how much he loved her, he wanted her to know
But with a final kiss goodbye, his angel let go

She turned and flapped her wings, as if to tell him it was time
But she didn't take off yet, instead, let out a whine
Her back facing her love, the angel looked up high
She knew it was time to fly, time to say goodbye
She turned her face, but said not a word
Her face gave him a strange comfort
He looked at her angel, as her wings again flapped
It was her time to go, he felt too-tightly trapped
His angel soared up high, she began to fly
In mid air she turned, as if expecting a reply
He couldn't say a word, instead, slipped a tear
A leaf flew in from nowhere, the tear it began to steer
Caught the tear from the air, the tear filled with fear
The leaf then floated up, from the ground it was apart
The angel caught the leaf and put it on her heart
Then it looked up high and tugged her wings
He had never seen any such thing
His angel flew away, far away into the sky
He said nothing, just looked up high
He anticipated fear, and dread as she flew by
But instead of fear, comfort he felt inside
He knew his angel who was soaring above in the sky
Wouldn't forget him, and time would fly on by
And one day they would reunite, until the end of time
As he saw his angel disappear, he bid her a final goodbye

— dhruv, Mar 12, 2008

About This Poem

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Country/Region: IND

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Critiques

KN

Kieran Nelson

18 years 2 months ago

Hi, welcome to the

Hi, welcome to the site! I'm going to be truly honest, I haven't read the whole thing, and there's a reason. If your going to write poetry that is this long, you have to be very good and hold the reader's interest. I think there's a lot of stuff you could cut from this, as I jsut got bored reading it. Secondly, if your going to use rhyming couplets, make it consistant. There's nothing worse than expecting a rhyme and then not getting one for no good reason. Some ideas for revisions. Kieran "Mind, how you go!" - Roger McGough's poem for LSD Awareness Week
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 10 months ago

Normally the religious imagery word put me off.

Here I simply took it as allegory. I have lost too and felt the pain, though not from death, from my own personal flaws. It makes it worse in a way, only myself to blame. Keiran is right in that it could use some editing but also remember long poems are harder to read on the screen than the page. I don't say write short, I say "ruthless elimination of the inessential". cheers, Jess
dhruv

dhruv

17 years 10 months ago

Sometimes true critique

Sometimes true critique feels a lot better than a soft comment. Especially when it helps you improve. Both of you are perfectly right, I have no excuse for what you have said. I shall look into this and correct it to the best of my ability, though it is one of the first things that I ever wrote. Thank you!