Mind How you Go

I was with you right up to the line: "it needs to be heated to be removed" This line doesn't sit well with me. (and)the second line: "don't move to fast" "to" should be "too", probably a typo. I like the idea behind the poem and think it just needs a bit of polishing. Always, Cat

Agree with the above. The meter changes and the rhythm breaks down. Easily fixed. Just cut- "needs to be heated, to be removed," Next line- its passion is the cure or whatever. Typo L2 should be - too Good poem eric

People often comment that my poetry has too little punctuation; I comment in the reverse on this: too much. The commas at the end of the lines--at least most of them--are not necessary, they are implied, and I find they give a jumpy feel to the read that I don't think you intended. I loved the line "It needs to be heated, to be removed," can almost feel it in my body, my person, my soul. Question: did you mean weld or wield in the line about the knife? On first read I thought 'wield,' you made a typo, but 'weld' works too, though then it would need to be 'sharp-welded'. Minor grammar note (please point them out in my work as well).

curb the race grazing wheat tops drifting free like fire ships against the line hungry and feirce passion and duty blood flaming in their lineage as they thrash the air consumed and charred by hearts might O Liked your poem as the above states LIKE very much the "weld" image the use of heat i wrote the poem because im very tired cant post to Neopoet being faithful to new governing qoutas and was inspired most of all by Your poem I dont use any punctuation at times mainly because hitting all the keys impedes the speed of which i write and think perhaps this is a poor thing the poem does wander a tad but i like your ryhymne and use of words and it did get a rise out of me O