Candlewitch

Mar 08, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Offerings (Edge) Updated

Like a thief in the night
I would come...
This dangerous invitation,
Irresistible as plums.

Sweet offerings you make
Yourself as the treasure,
All you sacrifice
would be my pleasure.

I would find you anywhere,
And I would come through fire and ice,
Give my mercurial affection,
If you vow to pay the price.

I would whisper love's sweet lies,
Tempt you with magnetic eyes,
Hold you tightly 'til you cry,
one lingering kiss to steal your sigh,

Taking all you have
(and much more,)
Feasting greedily
Upon your honeyed shore.

And when the moment's passed,
To cloaking night I'll return,
From stolen moments in love's clasp,
Leaving you, alone to burn...

— Candlewitch, Mar 08, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more., Candlewitch

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Critiques

Candlewitch

18 years 3 months ago

Thank you for your title suggestions

I will keep them in mind as (offerings) is just a working title. Thanks, so much! Cat

LadyTheresa

56 years 5 months ago

Sorry

I guess I missed your title...sorry..was justr eadingyour comments LadyTheresa

Electric Blue

18 years 3 months ago

Hi cat We must be on the same wave length tonight here in England it is nearly midnight and i too sit here and put on a few poems and now read others maybe you will take a look at Destroy the reaper and Dark Shadows and the others I too feeling i am being drawn deep into the darkness of the unknown but know somethng is there waiting for me but it is just out of reach your poem is awesome my friend Maggie R

Candlewitch

18 years 3 months ago

Hey Maggie

Sorry I missed you last night. Yes it was a dark one, as my husbands best friend passed away. He had pancreatic cancer. The mood here was pretty grim. I will take a look at those poems that you recommended. Thanks for reading. Hugs, Cat (Styx)

Electric Blue

18 years 3 months ago

styx

Hi Cat I am sorry for the loss or your husbands friend to Cancer. I know this illness too well with my parents my first husband and my best friend you do what you can but you know it is only a matter of time so i hopefully gave some quality of life to them all with my love my time they were secure that i would do all that was necessary and left them with no worries as to say. I do not know abut prayer as i do not feel my prayers get through i have felt desereted in this so i only have myself so i cry for days then pull myself together for a while and cry a little more. My best friend has been my writing as i just pour the words out with no plannng the pen writes until it is all done and then i read what i have written through the tears as i could not see when i wrote my words. I wish i could give you a long hug love always Maggie R xxx

Electric Blue

18 years 3 months ago

Offerinfgs

Hi Cat I could never hold a candle to your excellent penmanship this is awesome If only I could write like this - this is an awesome powerful poem the imagery and emotions sent my mind a racing again with visual pictures i think i will try a picture story board to go with each verse This is one i will have to read again and again because when i read it the words become living moving pictures to me. This touched my raw emotions i just loved it. Maggie R hugs xxx

Candlewitch

18 years 3 months ago

Hey Maggie, You can write

Hey Maggie, You can write much more eloquently than this poem. I got some help from the porfessor, and others. They had really good ideas and the poem wasn't nearly as good until I rewrote it, keeping those suggestions in mind. I would love to see the pictures that you create with your truely artistic mind! hugs, Cat

professor

18 years 3 months ago

Plundered treasure or Love's night-thief?

Really enjoyed this one Cat except for the last verse which seemed to lose it a little and a slight porblem with the verse break in the middle. With the latter I read it as: "I would come through fire and ice To whisper loves sweet lies, ....." i.e there should be no full stop after ice and the two verses should not be split. Or may be i have got this wrong somehow. With the last verse I just felt it needed tweaking to help the flow and emphasis and perhaps joining up the sense a little better too. Something like: "And when the moments passed, To night I will return, Now sated from love's grasp, I'll abandon you to burn…" Just some thoughts...take or leave as always. Keith

Candlewitch

18 years 3 months ago

I see what you mean and I

I see what you mean and I certainly like your verse better than mine, but as moonman says, I will have to come up with my own. Thanks for pointing me to the starting place. I will work on it as my muse allows. Cat

professor

18 years 3 months ago

Last verse

Hi Cat, obviously i did not expect you to use my re-write precisely, but it seemed the easiest way to show you what I meant. Sorry to hear your news. Keith

Candlewitch

18 years 3 months ago

Yes, I know you were just

Yes, I know you were just giving me an example, but I did like it very much. LOL, no, I wouldn't be satisfied if I took the lazy way out. I have to do the work myself or I don't learn anything. Thank you for your condlolences. Cat

in need of a title? If so, how about...hmm..let me think... Love's Sweet Lies...or Whispers..just me humble opinoin..I enjoyed your poem very much and especially enjoy reading this type of work. Kudos to you !! LadyTheresa

infinite_dwarf

18 years 1 month ago

Wow Cat!!

So very dark and sublime. The structure and flow are very good, and I'd leave it be. Titles? "Burgled By A Shadow?" (just kidding) "Dangerous Darkness?" "Broken Sanctions?" "Stolen Love?" Styx/Edge suits you well! ~Lynn (Jess K.) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ~ "Bush is listening.... use big words!" ~ "Your inferiority complex is better than mine..."

Candlewitch

18 years 1 month ago

:)

Thanks for reading and your comments. I'll consider those title suggestions! Have a great day. Always, Cat love the ferocious little kitten!