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themoonman
themoonman
Mar 08, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The troubador and the lady

Travelled as a troubador

my first 300 years.

My spirit being friendly,

many lives..many tears.

 

The Earth, she is my mother,

The Sky brings life to each.

we take it all for granted,

caught up in life and grief.

 

I've known you for my ever,

and I know it must go on.

Until Time has burned around us,

The Earth and Sky are gone.


— themoonman, Mar 08, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

More from this author

Critiques

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

18 years 3 months ago

My Favorite Lines Are:

The Earth…she is my mother, The Sky…brings life to each. we take it all for granted, caught up in life and grief. I very much like the title and the subject matter! Good work. Cat
themoonman

themoonman

18 years 3 months ago

Hi Cat...

This is out of my first notebook of poems..I was looking through it and this is one I always liked..thank you for reading.
O

orgami

18 years 3 months ago

amazing work

so used to long stanza on this site or my own run on poems but you have paid special attention to detail and wording in crafting this poem the wording is very well and i like the whole idea of the troubador the last lines "until time has burned around us, and the earth and sky are gone" fantastic lines Love it O
C

chinese_whispers

18 years 3 months ago

I love this. Might just be

I love this. Might just be me but I think that the 2nd last line's rhythm would be better and add alliteration if it was "Till time has burned around us"
themoonman

themoonman

18 years 3 months ago

Hiya...

Thank you for reading this little piece. I like your suggestion, but I rarely use the word till...but it does fit..it just wouldn't be me. thank you for taking time to offer suggestions, that is what this site is all about.
B

blistered-pen

18 years 2 months ago

Beautiful

I don't have any suggestions but I think it's amazing Really got to me Gave me chills kudos =) 'I've known you for my ever' (wow...) =)
A

Alobar

18 years 2 months ago

Adored the line “I’ve

Adored the line "I've known you for my ever," Are the ... pauses in the second stanza necessary? I find them just ever so slightly disruptive to the flow of the work, but only ever so slightly. A lovely little piece, really, something that warms you every time you read it.
themoonman

themoonman

18 years 2 months ago

Thank you...

for reading and taking time to comment..when I wrote the poem I felt the pauses were necessary..because when I read it out loud I pause there..but your comment made me look at it again..maybe...I have read some of your comments on the other poetry...seem to be right on track..good to have you here.
P

poewriter58

18 years 1 month ago

Richard

I am not touching a thing on this poem It is just perfect the wording is outstanding if I had to select one line I really do not think I could outstanding work Chrys
themoonman

themoonman

18 years ago

Hi Chrys...

I don't know how I could have missed this comment... thank you much... Richard
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

18 years ago

Moon

Great job on this one, I really really liked this piece!
R

rider68

18 years ago

Hi Richard & Sorry

Sorry that i wasn't around to read this earlier, Everything that can be said, Has, Your Posts seemed to have gained a golden Pen, Very Best Regards Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~
D

DarkinAZ

18 years ago

Evolution!

Congrats, friend Sincerely, Mark