purplemoondoll

Mar 05, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Dare I Fall?

Healing azure eyes
Probing scars left raw
By past destroyers'
Broken promises
I am defenceless

Inner turmoil
Dead emotion
Senses numb to
Love’s illusion

Can I trust
You with my
Fragile heart?

Dare I
Fall in

Love?

— purplemoondoll, Mar 05, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Critiques

Mark

18 years 2 months ago

Ohhh......

First - I'm smiling, maybe even matching the one in your picture:) A wonderful work you have done Kaz ! Such provocation brings me to wonder if it is really not a choice. Been there and seems the more the barrier is let down the more the pain the longer before there is love allowed once more until finally there seems to be a natural defence that protects in finale and says no more :( No more to allowing the being in love but still yes to good friends in relationships :) Thanks poetess, Mark

Alobar

18 years 2 months ago

No punctuation at the ends

No punctuation at the ends of lines gives the reader certain freedoms in inserting their own rhythm to the reading, as befits their mood, experience or understanding. This made the poem more accessible for me, more universal. And it is a very universal emotion/situation you have depicted here. Liked that a lot. I found the use of the plural-possessive of the word destroyers to add a sadness and a harshness to the poem--it's happened more than once (or if only once, be prepared, it's probably coming again). This is not necessarily true, of course, but so often is the case in the difficult (do we make it too difficult?) domain of love. My only advise is simply this: yes, dare.

dhruv

18 years 2 months ago

amazing

very nice indeed... this is the first time that i've read a short piece and yet felt my heart pounding harder than it should've been... dare we fall in love? i think we all ask ourselves this question once a while :)... but trust me, sooner or later, with the love of your life or with your father, maybe with your book, or maybe with just a friend, everyone falls in love :)

Ink Dragon

18 years 2 months ago

I agree

that your words are wonderfully chosen, and I, too, know the question all too well (only I haven´t really found an answer to it yet). A suggestion though: Maybe you could move some of your lines up, like "Broken promises" for instance. (Yes, I did realize that your number of lines dwindles down to that one word "love"), I can´t help thinking it might make a better read if you didn´t cut the syntactic clusters. As I said: It´s only a suggestion... With poetic regards, Ink Dragon

Sirens Serenade

18 years 3 months ago

beautiful

Yes this works....makes me fall all the way down to the very end. Plenty of lovely imagery here. I love the contrast of the "healing azure eyes" against the "probing scars left raw". A great depiction of being so fragile and wondering if you can trust someone again. Been there my friend and this captures it perfectly for me.

purplemoondoll

18 years 3 months ago

Thank you Siren! And thanks

Thank you Siren! And thanks for proof reading before posting this. Much appreciated. I came back to it today and am really happy with the way it reads. Like you say we have all been there. :-) Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

poewriter58

18 years 3 months ago

question

seems to me you already know the answer to that question , I think we all have asked ourselves that at one time or another good writing Chrys

purplemoondoll

18 years 3 months ago

Answer

Thanks Chrys - I guess the answer is in the poem already. Every now and again someone comes along who manages to break through the security systems and see past the barrier - I guess if we dont dare we never know! Thanks for your feedback - ;-) Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

Candlewitch

18 years 3 months ago

Hello,

I like the way the words fall, especially the last one... so haltingly. Nicely done. Cat

purplemoondoll

18 years 3 months ago

Thanks Cat

You just confirmed the form worked for this poem. Thats exactly the effect I was trying to create! Thank you :-) Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

professor

18 years 3 months ago

Fragile hearts

A lovely questioning poem Kaz which, as Chrys suggests, already contains your answer....a kind of rhetorical question anyway since none of us really have any choice when it comes right down to it.lol. Has a beautiful delicate style and tone that emphasises the fragility of your often wounded heart. Keith

purplemoondoll

18 years 3 months ago

Thanks Keith

Thats exactly what I was trying to convey. No matter how many resolutions we may make never to fall in love again, sometimes some one comes along and you can't help yourself. Thats love! Thank you Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

Calliope

18 years 3 months ago

you are...

...one of my favorite poets.So much feeling in your work.Very relatable. Lacy, Where power corrupts,poetry cleanses.

purplemoondoll

18 years 3 months ago

Lacy

I am really flattered - thank you. I love your work too! Thanks for your feedback my friend! Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

Frost Smith

18 years 3 months ago

purplemoondoll...

thre is a twisted emotion here; a quandry, something I haven't seen in you before; humm...I don't know; maybe I am just unsettled to today, the only thing I could suggest is trying to maybe uniform the lines fallling down; if thats what you were shooting for & if you could find the words without forcing. aaaaaaa aaaaa aaa a OR: a aa aaa aaaa aaaaa Frost

purplemoondoll

18 years 3 months ago

The Quandry

Your insight is incredible.:-) The emotions are unsettling I guess because to fall in love after being hurt several times sometimes creates so many mixed and often uninvited emotions whether we like it or not- thats the risk of daring to fall again. (I hope that made sense!) I can see what you are saying about the form but this time I really want to keep the diminished hexaverse format because it seems to work to convey the conflicting emotions involved - BUT you made me think about working on something similar with thr format you suggested here - thats quite a challenge! Thanks Frost I really appreciate your feedback! Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

Barbara Writes

18 years 2 months ago

I enjoyed reading

Barbara Writes I vowed never to fall in love because of what I have seen people go through who were in love. People relate to each other I just exist. Fear of falling in love, wanting to taste it fruits.

purplemoondoll

18 years 2 months ago

Never to fall in love

I understand and have to say I felt the same last year - now the future looks a little brighter - dare we fall? Its a risk but sometimes worth it! Fingers crossed! Thanks Barbara for you feedback! :-) Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

Conect11

18 years 2 months ago

let me

just get my only nitpick out of the way quickly, the spelling of "defenseless." ok, good, now to the meat of the poem! :) You work wordcraft well here. I am reminded and can visualize past pains, not as sharp and stabbing, but as one remembers autumn, five months after the fact. Excellent work, Kaz. Mark W.

purplemoondoll

18 years 2 months ago

defenseless

Thanks Mark for your critique I always appreciate your comments and insight my friend .:-) I looked defenceless up and found that both defenseless and defenceless are valid but the 's' version appears to be the UK version so I have changed it. Thanks I didnt know there are two versions of this word :-) Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

barbsdad2003

18 years 2 months ago

Oops!

On the contrary, "defense" and "defenseless" are American. "Defence" and "defenceless" are British spellings. It appears you've struck a universal experience here. I think the sadness that comes with something akin to feeling betrayed is that sense (not "sence") that our/your/my judgment/calculation/assumption (presumption?) concerning another's feelings/thoughts can be so flawed. More appreciation from me, Chuck

barbsdad2003

18 years 2 months ago

Let me add ...

Since your domicile is United Kingdom, the spelling you've now chosen is correct for you. Congratulations on getting it right. Yours, Chuck

Conect11

18 years 2 months ago

really??!!

wow! I totally thank you for looking that up and sharing that with me :) It's awesome to learn new things, as a writer, OR a critiquer! Freaking A, I'm excited! Mark W.

purplemoondoll

18 years 2 months ago

Thanks Chuck

For clearing that up! And for you insight into the poem. Past betrayals 'love's illusion all play a part definitely. My thesaurus said the 's' was UK, it just shows even a thesaurus can be flawed so its back to defenceless- thank you both. I learned something new today. Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

infinite_dwarf

18 years 1 month ago

Great Job!

I agree with one of the previous posts about the lack of punctuation. You can customise the flow as you like! I like how you touched on one of the few experiences that almost every human has - heartbreak, and how to move on. This is a very universal question, I think. Kind of reminds me of a quote in a book (can't remember which one) where it claimed that 'God loves to make a man break a vow' and as much as we say 'never again' there usually comes a time where that vow is always broken. ~Jess ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Johnny was a chemist's son, but Johnny is no more. What Johnny thought was H2O, was really H2SO4."