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KN
Kieran Nelson
Feb 28, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Over Indulgence

Fatius Fingers floundering for French Fancies That tower terrifically on ten tipping tiers. Cordoned by cauldrons of crinkle cut chips, meandering by miles of moist meaty meat. Flagons of fish, filed fastidiously forward Generously gorging, great George's great gut Soon solemnly sick, but still silent saliva Points past the problem and pushes plain on.
— Kieran Nelson, Feb 28, 2008

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KN

Kieran Nelson

18 years 3 months ago

Hi, this poem is part of a

Hi, this poem is part of a series of works I'm writing just now based upon the somewhat, lesser human emotions. The ones which don't get talked about often, with or without good reason! What I'm trying to do is not to explain the emotion, but try to make the reader feel or empathise with the emotion through the words. I've done this through, forms, language used and other techniques. Please read and comment based on this. (this wouldn't fit in the "last words" section!) Kieran "Mind, how you go!" - Roger McGough's poem for LSD Awareness Week
EA

eric ashford

18 years 3 months ago

Keiran the whole poem is one

Keiran the whole poem is one long alliteration. Which makes it artificial and briitle to read. As a poetic exercise it is clever but it has no emotional center or meaning for me. Alliteration is best used in lyric poetry and then sparingly within context. A good try but I am afraid it has no attraction for me as a poem. All the best eric
KN

Kieran Nelson

18 years 3 months ago

So the over use of

So the over use of alliteration made you dislike the poem? That, funnily enough, is exactly what I wanted! To show that "over indulgence", i.e the over use of that mechanic, has caused you, while reading to feel uncomfortable or indeed dislike what your reading. It's not a poem to love, more to create a feeling and or reaction. Seems to have worked. Kieran "Mind, how you go!" - Roger McGough's poem for LSD Awareness Week
Frederick Kesner

Frederick Kesner

18 years 2 months ago

Good-O!

That's the way to work with words and literary devices - just push them to their limits and see where that takes you. And like a pendulum it will swing back the other way until gravity serves as an equilibriate.