A time and a place?

 A time and a place?

Is this the beginning of the end?

The way life has lately forced me to buckle and bend

blown aorund by the winds of fate and destiny

my soul left bent and buckled by the rains of despair

I claw my way through this thing called life

lead astray, by the storms of pain and strife

I hang on as each day starts anew

my grip on reality slipping little by little each passing day

my soul is torn and corrupted by thoughts of pain

my heart is blackened and shadowed with disdain

for all that surrounds me, I am lost, so lost

find me please I plead, before its to late for me to find my way back

I sit once again with the darkness of night as my only friend

thoughts, contemplations of assisting with my own demise

to bring about solace from pain. the thundering heart stopping end

but wait, a voice inside me beckons, begging me to realize

who and what will be left behind, if I give in

yes there is much release sort and found in oblivion

however those that will remain behind will be left desolate

without any understanding as to why and how

I now seek solace and vindication in my only ally

this ally a deep seated, all consuming fire of anger

once I allow this feeling to consume and burn

I am delusionaly left with somewhere to turn

a substitute for companionship, a wayward so called friend

yet this to leaves me in an all to bitter hurry

leaving me fearful and once again to scurry

attempting to find my way back, to sanity, to reality.

I am left, alone, behind self built walls of experience

a stupidly built inner and outer defense against all who know me

and those new souls who reach out to mine, only to find no answer

how did I get to this point, where I shut away everything

where I am silent, yet outwardly I am happy, my mask firmly in place

a smile for him, a hug of encouragement for her

I am at the end of the day, living nothing but a lie.

And hurting myself in the process, yet I know no other way

having lived my life this way for way to long

I have convinced myself, falsely, that I am strong

this may be the case, yes I am up to a point.

But when, life overwhelms and pain threatens to overtake

I beseech all that will listen, hear my cry

for within I am surely to lose myself, my soul will slowly die

this is a hard realized plea for help and solace

for I can no longer afford to live in this self created desolate silence.