Not Hardly

My computer seems to be stuck on stupid,
and my old typewriter's missing many a key;
if used, it would probably resemble another language!
My phone machine will not take messages,

the T.V. works when the cable does,
one clock-radio doesn't keep time...
..and the other cannot get a station.
Thusly, I know exactly how late I've overslept.

My paperboy's a girl who can't throw,
my refridgerator emits a cold draft,
unfortunately.......not the kind one can drink,
I have a garbage disposal with no ON/OFF switch,

a heater that keeps itself warm...
while I sit near a cold draft.
Am I complaining? Not hardly.
I'm actually superior than a computer,

my typewriter's still got more keys than a janitor,
I take my own messages,
T.V.'s a waste of time,
I've purchased a wind-up alarm clock,

I now, take the paper...only on Sundays-
'cause that's when I like to take my walks;
my fridge cools off my trailer in the summer,
and I can plug the garbage disposal into the power source, on the wall...

..plus, I've got warm clothes and blankets to keep me warm on cold nights.
Am I boasting? Not Hardly.
For, both complaining and boasting only emit hot air, and waste time.
I have proved I don't need hot air.............

..I have warm clothes and blankets.
As for wasting time?
Would I do so to waste mine?
Would I do so that it would waste yours?

Not hardly...
..for when it comes down to wasting time,
there's ALWAYS.....
..T.V.