Too High Part One

I hear toxic air in your eyes

The breathes I held back

And dream the world itself

Take air and compare it to my heart

I take time to breathe

And touch the morning sun

As it rises from the forgotten sea

Docking the lungs I contain

I watch your sun get drowned by the sea

And arrows knock down the endless sky

With archers dropping their bows

I dream you every night

And all the beauty you hold

I can’t complain I love your more than love itself

You are all I need

With all my eyes on you now

The poison air is toxic to me now

I touch your heart with every breath I take

My chest expands and dreams you

Back

To the edge of life

The final dream I dream again

Only love from your only heart

I touch no more feelings than desperate healing

— washing tears, Feb 20, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: sandusky, ohio, USA

Critiques

RSScheerer

18 years 3 months ago

Too High Part One

There is a deep current here, running with strong imagery and metaphors. Notes: The first line, "I hear toxic air in your eyes" strikes the reader as strange and throws the entire poem askew from the beginning - wouldn't you see toxic air in the eyes instead of hearing it? Second line, "breaths" instead of "breathes"? "I love your more" should be "you" - a typo, I think. "With all my eyes"? confusing again; how many eyes does one have? "now" ending both lines catches the eye as redundant The final two lines seem to lose the logic carried throughout the poem. I think this could be the rough draft of a really good piece of work with some editing. ~ Ronda